


Define Disaster

by butimbroken, Scribes1015



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24666598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butimbroken/pseuds/butimbroken, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribes1015/pseuds/Scribes1015
Summary: The world is under quarantine. The Scooby Gang and Angel Investigations come together to try and find a solution before it's all too late. What will happen when these worlds collide?
Relationships: Angel/Buffy Summers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

He hadn't payed much attention to the stories printed off to the side in the papers the last few months. Nor had he really payed much attention to the news stories when they first began to blip across the screen, but then Wes and Cordy had moved one of old television sets up from the basement. Everyday there was more press coverage, more infected, more dead. New York was at a standstill, the photos leaked of the empty city haunting. California was trying to stay ahead of the virus, closing non-essential establishments well before their numbers reached that of other states. 

It wasn't working, the numbers had quadrupled in Los Angeles within the last forty-eight hours. Obviously as a vampire he was immune, but unfortunately he couldn't pass that immunity onto those that he loved. Wes, Gunn, and Cordy had all moved permanently into the hotel for the foreseeable future. If supplies were needed, he went at night. Even Gunn, who was usually the restless one of the group, didn't try to come up with excuses to run out. 

The Virus ravaged his old country, Europe's deathtole was insurmountable. Nearly forty percent of the population was dead. As cases began trickling into the United States, he kept expecting the government to shut down air travel, as of now it had yet to happen. The NBA had been cancelled, which Gunn had yet to stop bitching about, and all of the schools were closed indefinitely last week. 

Still, travel was allowed.

OoOoO

Then this morning, the governor held a press conference. California was issuing the strictest execution of  _ stay in place _ that the country had ever seen. Immediately something snapped inside of him, he needed to call Sunnydale. He still wasn't sure if this virus was biological or some form of sorcery, but either way he knew Buffy wouldn't take it serious, wouldn't stop patrolling. It's just who she was, but he knew from her stint in the hospital while Angelus was out that slayers contrary to popular belief weren't immune to sickness. 

Standing from the trance he'd been in resting on the counter, he quietly slipped into his office closing the door behind him. Leaning back in the old leather chair, he once again stared off, trying to figure out the right thing to do. It wasn't his place to keep her safe anymore, she was in a new relationship, sighing he knew inviting Buffy, hell begging her if need be, meant inviting all. But he couldn't very well not offer them shelter, somewhere safe, because of the soldier. Besides, he'd go through much worse if it meant ensuring her life, no matter what. 

He knew he had one shot at this, he could call Giles. Hell he could have Wesley call Giles, but that wouldn't get her here. No, he was going to have to call her himself. Grabbing the phone he dialed the old familiar number, listening to it ring, he found himself holding an unneeded breath. 

"Hello," he heard his most favorite sound on the other end of the line. 

"Buffy," he breathed.

Totally caught off guard, she nearly had to choke back a sob at the sound of his voice. Honestly she had been wondering if he was going to call, if either of her ex boyfriends would care enough to call during this crisis. She should have known he would, she doubted he even knew about her break up.

"Angel," she asked as though she wouldn't recognize his voice in a crowded room full of people. 

A thick silence hung between them for a few moments as each of them waited for the other to speak. Eventually Angel found his voice, "How are you," he managed. He really should have thought this through more before calling, what exactly was he supposed to say?

"We're doing okay, considering," she told him honestly. "Mom's quarantined in the hospital, no visitors allowed. Giles is beyond freaking, him and Willow have been hitting the books hard trying to find out if the virus has any mystical origins."

"And?"

Cutting her eyes across the kitchen to where Willow and Giles sat, she eyed them both suspiciously… he hadn't asked what was wrong with her mom, and both of them seemed highly vested in the book they were reading...upside down. 

Asshole, like she wasn't aware he kept tabs. 

"Nothing so far," she pulled out one of the stools from the kitchen island to sit on. "What about you, I mean anything on your front?" 

"Come here," well, so much for subtlety.

"Huh?"

"I mean, I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that, it's just I'm working out of this giant hotel now, and this virus it's bad Buffy. I don't care if you want to bring Riley, or whoever. I'd just feel a whole hell of a lot better knowing that you're okay, even if it's not my place anymore." He paused knowing that was a lot to take in coming from him. "Plus, two watchers are better than one," he added meekly when she had yet to answer. 

The fact that Angel had called had her mind reeling, now he was basically pleading for her to bring everyone… including her ex-boyfriend to stay with him indefinitely. Nothing about this conversation was making much sense, but one thing was for certain, she could hear the fear in his voice. 

_ Oh boy _ . 

"You're sure this is a good idea?" He was right Giles and Wes together would give them an advantage, not to mention strength in numbers. If things kept going down the path they were headed, the looters and rioters would be out before they knew it. 

"Of course," he whispered without hesitation. 

"I'm not sure who all will agree to it," she warned him, keeping the information about Riley's departure to herself for the time being. This definitely wasn't the time to bring up her relationship status, or lack there of. 

"That's fine, like I said, everyone's welcome… well except Spike."

Her face scrunched up at the mention of the blonde vampire's name, "Trust me, being quarantined with Spike is not on the top of my priorities."

That caused him to chuckle slightly, "Well the order goes into effect at midnight, do you think you can make it here by then?". 

Looking from the curious eyes of Willow, to the pensive stare of Giles, she was almost certain they had already deciphered what she was about to ask them to do. She was also fairly certain she could guess the reaction of each, shit was about to hit the proverbial fan. 

"Definitely. Midnight, got ya." It was strange how easily they fell back into conversation.

Momentarily forgetting their circumstances, forgetting the past, a small smile formed at the corner of his mouth. The excitement of seeing her rushing through him like a tidal wave, a feeling he wasn't exactly prepared for after so long. 

"I'll be waiting," he whispered far too huskily for this evening conversation in front of her friends. 

"See you then," she told him softly before placing the phone back onto it's cradle. Turning back around to look at the two people she loved dearly watching her every move, questions swarming behind their eyes. 

OoOoO

Every single member of their little "Scooby Gang" had rushed around like they were chickens with their damn heads cut off as they tried to gather as much supplies as they felt they might need, perhaps might want during this whole mess of things, and that they could simply just get their hands on. Plus there was needing to be able to fit it all in the vehicles that they had managed to wrangle up for this surprise trip from Sunnydale up to Los Angeles. 

There had been some grand arguments between them as they worked to gather everything up. Buffy was still unsure her own self at first if this was the right play, but everything inside of her screamed that it was. And really she wasn't sure of what other choice any of them had right now. This was outside of even what she would consider more or less her version of normal and she didn't like it. Not one damn bit.

The only thing that even gave her much pause about leaving the Hellmouth behind until they knew what was going on was her mother. She knew Joyce was under the best protection she could have right now at the hospital and it wasn't as though she could see her anyway with everything going on... but Buffy couldn't help that fear inside of her of if something happened and she was so far away. 

Not that she could do much if something happened when she was across town in their house.  She hated every aspect of that side of the situation.

A quick but meaningful conversation with her mother had eased those fears some though. Joyce had surprisingly even encouraged her to go after thinking it over. The more people they had to help right now the better. Joyce was of course more concerned about her two children than herself anyway and she knew Angel above anyone else would do everything possible to keep them safe for as long as possible.

After hanging up the phone, Buffy had taken a deep breath and stormed up on the fly the best speech she could muster to convince them to come along with her but she also made it clear that she was going whether any or all of them came along or not. After that, with much grumbling, everyone kind of scattered about in a rush to go back to where they each considered home and gathered what they wished to bring for the trip. They also all stocked up on supplies from various stores around town, at least what they could still manage to find given all the panic and hoarding that had been going on in the small town. Various items from The Magic Shop were carefully piled into anywhere they could fit in the parade of cars and before they knew it they were standing in a circle together going over any last minute plans. 

"So... we're really doing this?" Xander asked, staring down at his shoes that were covered in a nice amount of dried mud. 

Buffy nodded, more to herself than anyone else. "I think we need the extra help, I really do. Angel said he is in a hotel which will provide space for us to all be together and work this out. Hopefully. We will have a bigger team, two watcher's, probably better resources all around in a more populated area. I know it's last minute and we don't know what is happening or going to happen... but it just seems like we are low on different options. I want us to be together, to be safe, and to figure this out... and we are struggling with every aspect of that here."

OoOoO

"What do you mean Buffy and friends are coming here? No way!" Cordelia half-shouted, her eyes wide. "No!"

"We are in the middle of a crisis, Cordelia! The entire damn world is!" 

She extended a long finger his way. "Exactly! Just the perfect opportunity for you two to be together, all amped on your stupid hormones and reliving memories of your glory days together and all those lusty feelings toward one another popping right back up to the surface! Oh, it's the end of the world anyway, right? What's a little last minute bliss going to be mean in the end?! Who cares if we get nasty with one another again and release Angelus on the world for the big bang going on?!" she huffed out. "What's the worst that can happen? Oh. Right. We all know the answer to that I do believe!" 

Angel fought the urge to roll his eyes. "I didn't invite Buffy here for any of that, Cordelia. This isn't about me and her."

"Everything is always about Buffy and Angel, Buffy and Angel, blah blah blah!" she groaned. Looking over at Wesley, she tried to get him to join in on her side of the argument but the young former watcher threw his hands up in front of him and backed away a few steps... making it clear he was not getting involved in this one way or the other right now.

Angel rubbed his tired brown eyes. "I am worried about her, Cordelia. I want her here so I know she is safe. I am worried about Buffy and I am worried about Dawn and I am worried about Joyce who can't even come. I am worried over Willow, and Xander... over Giles... I will feel better with them here. I can't deny that. But I don't see what is wrong with the extra manpower either. The Slayer, another Watcher - a more experienced one at that, some witches... the extra hands doesn't seem like much of a downfall to me. Maybe we as a group can manage to survive this longer and get to the bottom of what is happening and stop things from getting any worse!"

"Because you are blinded with damn puppy dog I love the one woman on the planet I can't have eyes!" she shot back. "That's why you don't see any flaws in the damn plan! And that's why you didn't even think to ask any of us before you sprung into action about it because you knew we wouldn't have agreed. And why!"

Before he could respond to any of that, the brunette had turned around and stormed off. Stomping feet and slamming doors echoed behind her as she moved further away from him.

Angel let out a large sigh before just allowing his body to fall back, collapsing into one of the office chairs behind him. "I know I should have discussed it with everyone first and I am sorry for that. I didn't entirely think all of this through. I didn't even know what all I was even going to say to her when I made the call."

"She's just worried," Wesley said softly. "We all are... and I don't mean about Buffy Summers. I am sure she will see the benefits sooner than later, Angel. Just give her some time. Gunn has mentioned a few worries of his own with new people coming into the fold. Just... let it work itself out."

OoOoO

As the hours ticked on, his anxiety only seemed to increase. Cordy had finally crawled back out of her room, but needless to say, tensions were high. Everytime he came within eyesight of her she would start groaning and grumbling one thing or another. He finally acknowledged her when she started in on how hard it was going to be to stock up on Orb of Thessellas in the middle of a quarantine. 

"Look Cordy, she's bringing her--,"Angel paused, swallowing the bile in the back of his throat. "Boyfriend," he eventually managed. "And I would really appreciate it if you  _ weren't _ discussing our sex life when they showed up."

Of course Cordelia had the audacity to look disgusted at the notion. "Oh, you wish buddy," she told him as she circled the counter to stand in front of him, one hand poised on her hip, the other poking him in the chest. "I just want it to be clear that when you two  _ lose your cool _ , or whatever, and this whole  _ grand _ idea blows up in your big stupid faces, that I was the first to say  _ I told you so _ !" 

Angel tried to suppress his chuckle at her outburst knowing her flare for the dramatics. Holding up his hands in surrender, he slowly took a step back from the brunette. "How about you go pick the rooms for everyone, make sure the air is on in all of them." 

As though she had come up with the idea all on her own, she instantly relaxed, a giant smile crossing her face. "Oh you bet your ass I will, and I'm going to make sure that little miss slays a lot is in the furthest one possible." Once again forcing himself not to roll his eyes, he simply nodded, and watched as she turned to make her way up the stairs. 

"Yo, how many of these Sunnydale people are we talkin’? I get it's your ex girl and all, but the way I see it we're taking on a lot of risk just inviting all these strangers to live here indefinitely."

"They're not strangers," Angel told him pointedly. "No one's saying you have to stay," he added, wanting to enforce the fact that Buffy, her people, would always be welcomed here. 

"Oh, it's like that?"

Frustrated beyond belief, he was done discussing this. "No Gunn, it's not. In case you haven't noticed we're in the middle of an apocalypse here, one that we're on the losing side of. Our best shot at this thing mystical or otherwise is with them here, hell it may be our only shot." 

"Angel's right," came the British voice as Wes appeared between them, in an attempt to diffuse the situation. "I assure you the people Angel invited, they can all hold their own Gunn. None of them would risk bringing the virus here, not to mention they are all willing to leave the hellmouth unguarded. That alone should say something." 

Looking back and forth between Wes and Angel, Gunn weighed his options. Knowing how bad things were outside, he knew it was best he stay here… still you couldn't have told him a year ago he'd have this much trust riding on a vampire. 

Soul or not. 

OoOoO

Dawn bounced happily in the backseat of Xander's car. Thank god he had talked Buffy into letting her ride with him and the gang instead of her and Giles, she couldn't even imagine how boring the trip would have been then. Buffy all moping about wearing her Angel face, while Giles sighed repeatedly, stopping only to clean his glasses at a red light.

No thank you. 

"I can't believe we're going to Angel's," she squealed from between Willow and Tara. Despite all the drama between Buffy and Angel, she'd always liked him. He'd actually taken the time to notice her existence, plus he knew cool stuff. Sometimes they would play this game where she got to ask him questions until she stumped him, they'd called it  _ Stumped _ … well she had at least. 

"Tell me about it," grumbled Xander from behind the steering wheel. As if his life couldn't get any worse, plague, apocalypse, Buffy's mom sequestered in a hospital from a brain tumor, Angel… yep that pretty much summed it up. 

"What's your deal against Angel anyways?"

Xander glanced at the younger Summers sister from his rearview mirror. "Oh you know, self-preservation."

Dawn rolled her eyes, there had always been some weird jealousy thing between him and Angel. She wasn't really sure why, she just always assumed it had to do with the fact that he was a vampire.

"Oh please, Angel's not dangerous." 

"Umm Dawnie, do you remember when he turned evil?" Willow questioned.

Duh. 

"Umm, terrorized my home and sister for months. How could I forget? But that was Angelus and trust me, no one has to worry about that. They were together for nearly a year after that, and believe me when I say our walls are thin." 

Everyone in the car seemed to freeze, their eyes bouncing back and forth between Dawn and each other. None of them knowing exactly what she was insinuating. 

"Uhhh."

"What," Dawn asked bewildered. "I just meant that they have a lot of experience not crossing that line, I mean surely you guys didn't think they were just completely celiba---" Willow slapped her hand over the young teens mouth before she could say anything further. 

Anya smacked Xander in the side, catching him off guard. "See! I told you there was no way those two weren't getting each other off somehow." 

"Um how about we listen to the radio," suggested Tara, her face blushing beet red at the images that were being created inside her head. 

Huffing Dawn crossed her arms, wiggling to get comfortable between the two witches again. She hated how they all acted like she was just some dumb kid, who didn't even know what sex was. Catching the wink that Xander shot her in the mirror, she couldn't help but smile back at him. He was so sexy, she would never understand why he chose Anya… a small part of her still believed they were going to get married one day. 

_ Mrs. Dawn Harris _ , it even sounded perfect.

OoOoO

Buffy was glad that she'd chosen to ride with Giles, something told her that she should enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasted. Hotel or not, they were all about to be sharing close quarters. Something that had only really began to sink in as they crossed the Los Angeles county line. 

The last time she'd seen Angel, she'd sent him away after he'd fought with Riley. After she'd rubbed her brand new relationship all in his face. The same relationship that was now over, hoped in a helicopter and left the country over. 

She could feel him, inside, his presence growing stronger every mile that passed. She had looked up the address, she was from L.A. so she had a general idea as to where they were headed. Butterflies swarmed her stomach, as the desolate streets became more and more familiar. 

OoOoO

Angel watched as the two cars parked out front through one of large windows to the front double doors of the hotel. He felt his stomach tighten the more they just seemed to sit there, but finally both sets of headlights turned off and the humming of the engines died out. 

"How many people are we exactly expecting again?" Cordelia asked from behind him. He could feel unease falling off of her in waves as she stared out the window as well for a moment before starting back up with the endless pacing. Her heels clicked and echoed loudly.

Angel shrugged. He hadn't taken a head count when he spoke with Buffy earlier, he just went on assuming that she would bring whoever she felt she needed to. He didn't know if they were waiting on another vehicle or whatever the case may be as he counted the heartbeats and tried focusing on who was out front with her. He had felt Buffy miles and miles away... and the others he was more familiar with became clearer as he honed in on those vampire related senses while they all just nervously waited. 

Buffy, Dawn, Giles, Xander and Willow were easy to check off in his head, that strange girlfriend of Xander's, then there was another female... a witch... also in the car with them, but he also began to pick up on the obvious lack of the soldier boy, Riley. Before he let his heart leap into some sort of hopeful state, Angel began to wonder if they were waiting on him in another vehicle, or maybe the government had recruited him with his previous ties to The Initiative and he was unable to leave Sunnydale, perhaps they'd even reached out to him to help with more severe areas... really, he didn't know and wouldn't until they came in. He didn't want to get ahead of himself though. 

"Perhaps we should go offer to help them with their bags?" Lorne broke into his thoughts as he also came to stand behind the nervous vampire. 

"Maybe," he offered. Before he could say anything else though, a car door opened and had he any breath, Angel knew it would have sucked right out of him as Buffy's small figure appeared, climbing out from the side. She stared a hole right back through him before leaning back down to say something to Giles. 

Judging by his reaction, Lorne let out a low whistle. "That would be her then, huh?" 

Angel could only nod and try to swallow down the lump forming in his throat. 

His team watched silently as everyone outside began pouring out of the cars, grabbing what their hands could carry and talking amongst themselves before finally coming to the door. 

Lorne reached an arm out to open the door before anyone could knock, Angel stepping back out of the way, then Lorne's arms stretched out before him as he gave him best smile. "Welcome to Angel Invest-"

"Ahhhh!" shrieked the younger of the Summers' women. And Dawn more than likely would have attacked the green-colored demon had Buffy not grabbed her hand in the knick of time. 

"He's okay, Dawn. He is part of my team," Angel spoke, taking a step forward of his own. 

Everyone's eyes seemed to fall on him, including Buffy's. The two seemed to stare at one another for an eternity before Cordelia coughed loudly. "Yeah, yeah, the Buffy and Angel saga continues.... blah blah blah... anyway! Dawnie, this is Lorne. And yes, he is a demon but he's on our side. He's like... he can tell your future when you sing or hum or something."

"Cordelia, that is not how it works-" Lorne sighed. 

Cordy waved him off. "Details later," she cut him off with. "We'll all have plenty of time apparently to get acquainted with one another later. Or not," she said with a look toward him. 

Angel just sighed and started to do a general welcome to the hotel as well, asking a few questions that'd fall under small talk, and then everyone kind of introduced themselves before offering to give a tour of the grounds and try to fill them in on anything they might not be aware of happening here in LA. 

OoOoO

"Why exactly am I all the way in the back?" Buffy asked as they began being shown rooms Cordelia had apparently decided for them. 

"Perhaps if something were to go wrong, Buffy might be better off closer to the-" Giles started to say but Cordelia's bark of laughter had his words dying out. 

"We have plenty of people here now, everyone will be fine where they are. I think we can all agree we need to keep some distance between the two former lovers."

Buffy crossed her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes. "Which ones are we exactly talking about, Cordelia? You and Xander?"

"Oh, please don't drag me into this," Xander groaned, already having had an earful from Anya about this whole situation when it came to being stuck in a hotel with his high school girlfriend. 

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Don't play dumb. We all know what happens when you and Angel are around each other. I'm just trying to keep people safe."

Buffy felt her cheeks blush a little but mostly her blood boiling through her veins. She opened her mouth to go off on the former cheerleader but Giles, Wes and Lorne all three started talking at once trying to say something - anything - to calm the situation down and a provide distraction before the two women wound up causing the first fight of quarantine. 


	2. Chapter Two

After everyone had time to cool down and get familiar with their rooms and the hotel, the colliding of two groups, and the new arrivals started unpacking at least some of their things... they gathered all back up downstairs to discuss what was happening in the world around them. 

Both sides laid out everything that they knew so far, comparing how everything had been going in the smaller town of Sunnydale versus the large scale city of Los Angeles, and what they knew from other areas across the United States and on from there. They began throwing around ideas for what they thought could be behind all of this, who might be as well, the two groups went back and forth on ideas of how they should approach this current new way of life, how they were planning to balance surviving through this together. And how to protect the rest of the world before everything really got too far out of control.

"If it is something just purely natural, human... What are we even supposed to do?" Anya asked, biting at her fingernails. 

Buffy sighed loudly. "I don't know. There has to be something we can do, though. Right?"

Wesley nodded. "With each of our unique backgrounds and sets of skills, I am sure we can find a way to get to the bottom of this. Mystical connections to this disease or not."

Giles grabbed a handful of large books from the bag he'd still had on a chair behind him and placed them on the large table. "Of course I couldn't bring everything with us but I grabbed what I thought would be most useful." 

"Of course," Wesley agreed, coming around to get a closer look at the collection he'd brought. 

OoOoO

Thus began the groups ritual of hitting the books, it was odd, but it hadn't taken long for them all to fall back into the old routine. Wes and Giles hadn't even lasted an hour before they were arguing over the pronunciation of some long forgotten plague. 

Willow and Tara had made quick work of putting up a protective shield around the hotel, the virus could no longer get in as long as no one went out. Lorne, seemingly highly impressed with their ability had quickly led the girls to one of the smaller desks. They were currently deep in what sounded like a discussion about some demon karaoke bar. 

Anya had long since pulled Xander off to bed, as usual giving far too many details about her planned activities for the night.

Gunn, not really one for the books, had bounced at the first opportunity. Citing something about a new season of his favorite show being released tonight on netflix. 

Buffy watched them from her perch on the couch in the hotel lobby, they seemed so comfortable with each other. She watched as he laughed, really laughed, at some joke she told him. She saw the way he wrapped her in his arms, squeezing her tightly, as he whispered what she could only assume were reassurances. She saw the happiness in Dawn's eyes, as he looked around the room to make sure no one was watching before handing her a book, so that she could research too. She even caught the wink he gave her as she quietly took a seat, opening the book, thinking no one was the wiser. 

Smiling to herself, she quickly averted her eyes back to the same page she had been trying to read for last hour, before he or someone else caught her staring. "Ugh. Okay, I think I'm done. My eyes are starting to cross, I'm going to call the hospital and check on mom, maybe try to get some sleep." 

His eyes locked with hers as she stood from the sofa, besides the general pleasantries earlier they hadn't really had a chance to talk. Stepping in front of the counter, he walked over to help her move the pile of books she'd been flipping through all night. "Thanks," she murmured, turning to face him, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as though she were cold. Flashes of memories from another time she was cold flitted quickly through his mind.

"Come on, I'll show you how to adjust the thermostat in your room. It's old, it can be tricky." It was a lame excuse and he knew it, but they'd been in the same room for nearly six hours and hardly spoke. It was one thing to hear that she was okay from Willow or Giles, but he wanted to hear it from her. Despite her hard front, he knew she was dealing with a lot. 

Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, she didn't miss the quick flash of his eyes, he'd told her once how much he loved it when she did that. 

_ "Fixation on insignificant detail…" _ Pushing Willows old words from her mind, she nodded her head. "Okay, ya." 

They'd taken the stairs together, Angel following closely behind her, both of them feeling all the eyes of the room on them. Once they reached the top, away from everyone's prying stare, they each breathed a sigh of relief as most of the awkwardness seemed to fade away. 

"Wow, I can't believe we actually escaped without Cordelia trailing us," she joked, playfully looping her arm through his own, lacing their fingers together as she continued to walk, her head leaning on his shoulder. 

"Sorry about that, shes-..."

"Cordelia," Buffy finished for him. 

"Exactly," he sighed, squeezing her hand, as they reached her door. 

Each of them paused, it had been a long time since they had been in a situation like this. "So if my room's down here, I'm assuming yours is…" she trailed off waiting for him to answer. 

"It's around the corner, room 217," he told her, letting his grip on her hand go for a moment as he opened her door. His fingers instinctively going to the small of her back, in an effort to guide her inside. 

Kicking off her shoes, she climbed on top of the bed, scooting over to the middle, she folded her legs under her as she sat leaning against the pillows that were stacked in front of the headboard. Patting the spot next to her, she waited for him to join. "Want to make a bet on how long it takes Cordy to come bursting through that door?" 

He couldn't help but smile, as he inched onto the bed next to her, having almost forgotten how much he missed her sense of humor. "Mmm… ten minutes if we're lucky," he chuckled, as she rested her head back against his shoulder. 

"Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you really think we're going to be able to figure this out," she questioned, momentarily closing her eyes as she breathed him in. She'd missed this more than she cared to admit. 

"We always seem to find a way, I'm sure this time won't be any different. It's just taking a whole hell of a lot longer than I'd like." It took a lot to scare her, and he could smell the emotion rolling off her in waves. The one thing he couldn't sense however was any trace of the soldier, it wasn't his business, in fact it was probably better if he didnt know, but what could he say… curiosity killed the cat. 

"Where's Riley?"

Her body instantly tensed next to his, she figured this question would be coming sooner or later. "He's gone, I mean he left… we broke up." 

That was the last thing he expected to hear. "Oh, ya?"

"Hey, could you at least try not to sound excited about it," she smirked, shoving him playfully. 

Catching her hand, he pulled her against his chest, shifting them so that they were lying down. His arm draped lazily around her, he sighed, leaning his head against hers as he gently stroked the ends of her hair. "His loss," he whispered, kissing the top of her blonde locks. 

She didn't reply, what could she possibly say? Riley had left because she couldn't give him all the parts of her that still belonged to Angel, that would always belong to him. She had tried with Riley, she really had, but if she were being honest with herself, he deserved better. 

He deserved this. Which was exactly what everyone seemed to forget, they were all so focused on the doom and gloom of her and Angel's relationship, that most everyone seemed to forget they actually got along. 

Really well. 

Too well in fact, that was kind of their problem. 

"I've missed you," she whispered softly into the cotton of his shirt. Her arm sliding around to drape across his abdomen. 

"Shh, I'm just glad you're here." 

It always amazed her how easily they fell back together, like no time had passed. Even after his return from hell, before they got back together, she would still go to the mansion, spending endless hours just doing nothing. 

He tried to change the subject, keep the conversation more on the lighter side after that for awhile and she felt a little tension trying to strangle the life out of her. But she was still scared, all of them were. This was so outside of their norm... and their normal consisted of giant mayor snakes, vampires, demons, the occasional apocalypse needing to be averted... so that was saying a lot.

"I think we will have to start making plans tomorrow for how we will make sure we get supplies needed during the lock down, how we can get people out if we really need to, how to keep people we don't want getting in out. I know we all want to get to the bottom of whatever is going on but I also don't want to see anyone getting burnt out. I want everyone to use their strengths, to take breaks as they are needed, to use the new eyes and hands, you know? We also need to slowly get to know one another so that some more trust and bonds can form because this is going to be a long road to recovery I feel and the last thing we need is a rift in the hotel amongst ourselves. We need to figure out a new normal and it's just overwhelming trying to think about it all and try and get the pieces to fit."

Angel nodded, his hand rubbing up and down her arm for a moment. "We will figure it out. It doesn't all have to be done tonight."

"I know... but at the same time I feel like we are already so far behind, Angel, and it's like we are just chasing our tails trying to play catch up, too. So much of what we've been doing is really just scrambling around and I feel like I just need some sort of plan or schedule or something to hold on to in all the madness."

"You've never been much for planning ahead, Buffy," he commented.

"True, but in this case I feel that's a road I need to venture down. It's reassuring. Like, the hospital gave me a list of things they are doing to keep everyone safe and I read it and re-read it, I recited it, and I can call and check in with my mom or one of the orderlies or whoever and go over it and it doesn't really stray and it makes me feel better, it makes me feel like it was okay that she's there, that they know what they're doing. The best they can right now anyway."

"Maybe everyone can get a good night's rest and we can start working on some of these strategies, okay? For now... I am good to go on some of the runs for whatever we might need."

"But do we even know that it's safe for you to? I mean, do we really know how vampires are affected if at all? Demons, does it affect different demons in different ways? Werewolves, or any other creatures out there? Can some member of the undead be a carrier? Like, can it get on your skin and not affect you then you come home and it's all bets are off? I just don't feel we have enough science supporting any case studies. On anything. And it's not like any of it is or would be reported anyway so that just doesn't help." 

"What about the Watcher's Council?"

"Yeah, right. Like they share anything with us if they don't have to. I think Giles reached out to them... I just never heard him mention anything coming back from their end one way or the other. I might have to ask him or you could ask Wes to see if they do in fact know anything, they are probably our best bet on something like this."

"Unless we experiment ourselves..."

"I don't think I even want to go there," she mumbled. "I think we should side with caution about everything for now. And I think we need not bring on any more projects to the fold or possible exposures if we can help it."

To be honest, Angel found he really hadn't even gave much thought to the possibility of it affecting him. He just worried about his team and wanted to make sure they were safe, he worried about Buffy so much until working the courage up to call her... he hadn't thought about the what if's if it could actually affect him. He figured he was already dead, what could it really do? But then again it wasn't like there'd never been some virus that didn't mess with creatures of the night, it wasn't completely unheard of or anything. Just rare.

There was currently so little information it seemed about the virus plaguing the planet and it seemed there were only more questions once you found out one nugget of knowledge about it until you were in nothing but an endless cycle. 

"Do you think it's something supernatural?"

"I hope so. It doesn't look like it and that scares me because that is something I am told over and over I don't get to have control over, like with my mom, or losing people under natural circumstances. I don't want this to be just out of my damn hands. I want to be able to fight it and stop it."

A furious knocking on the door had them both shaking their heads a little. "Looks like our time is up," he said softly, knowing exactly who was on the other side of the door even before she started shouting. 

"Angel! It's me, Cordelia! I need your help with... uh... something. Oh, hell, just answer the door! I know you're in there!" 

Buffy rolled her eyes as she pulled away from the comfort of his large body and let him start to sit up, slowly crawling out of the bed. "I hope you can get at least some sleep tonight. And you know where I am if you do need anything... just to talk or whatever, too."

"Thanks, Angel. I think I might be exhausted enough to get at least a few hours in. Could you make sure Dawn comes in soon in case no one else calls it a night for her? I'm sure she's beat, she's trying to keep a brave, big girl face on and that alone is exhausting."

"Yeah, not a problem. Tomorrow's a new day," he promised as he got closer to the door. "We'll all start fresh."

Buffy nodded, getting a little more comfortable in the borrowed bed. Truthfully she wished she could ask him to stay with her all night but she didn't think anyone here would be on board with that, probably not even Angel and she didn't need any jealous or hurt feelings roaring their head right now. "Goodnight, Angel."

"Goodnight, Buffy," he said softly, opening the door and they both raised an eyebrow at Cordelia as she nearly fell in. 

"How about you two not do any of this," Cordy told them, her fingers circling around the room. "I have enough to worry about okay?"

Angel's hand instantly went to rub his brow, he knew there was bound to be some tension between these two, but he was determined to keep to at least try and keep their claws at bay. 

"Damnt Cordy, we were just talking." 

Taking in the sight of Buffy curled up in the middle of bed, the slightest smirk across her face, she could just make out an indention, obviously from where Angel must have just been. She hated this feeling, like she was already losing her best friend, Buffy had barely been here half a night, and here he was already running off to her room with her. He hadn't even had the decency to discuss any of this with her, and not only that, he'd barely even spoken to her since the blonde arrived. 

They were more than this, they were family, and she'd be damned if she let her or anyone else from Sunnydale come between them. 

"Rightttt," she said, spinning around to face him, but not before flashing Buffy one of her Oscar winning smiles. "Well maybe now that you're done  _ talking,  _ you could meet me down in the office for a word?" She hadn't even given him the chance to respond before stalking past him, pausing at the head of the stairs until she heard the closing of a door and the distant footsteps of Angel following behind her. Someone needed to nip this in the butt before things got out of hand, of course it seemed like that task was going to fall on her. 

Watching the two of them exit her room, she couldn't help the small stab of jealousy that shot through her seeing them together. She'd known Cordy had been working for him for a while, but being here, in his home, seeing the way he interacted so casually with her, with everyone, laughing at jokes, joining in on conversations… in some ways she almost felt like she didn't know him at all anymore, and that bothered her more than she cared to admit. 

OoOoO

Watching Cordy close the door to his former office, he braced himself for the verbal onslaught that was to come. He knew bringing everyone together was going to be an adjustment, he just didn't realize how confusing it would all be for him. Ever since he'd come back from the Darla fiasco, he and Cordy had become exceptionally close, so close the lines of their relationship had begun to blur recently, at least in his eyes… then the whole virus outbreak happened. They'd all holed up in the hotel together, which had only seemed to make him question things between them more, add in Fred's non stop talk about kyrumption, and the knowledge that it was possible, that his soul was not an issue...well it had his mind spinning in all kinds of circles to say the least. 

"Want to tell me again how this isn't going to turn into the Buffy and Angel show," she asked, arms crossed in front of her chest, eyebrow cocked, as she stood between him and the door. "Cause according to my watch it's been less than eight hours, and I already caught you crawling out of her bed. I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we have enough going on, we don't need the threat of Angelus hanging over our heads too." 

Hadn't they covered this already? "Cordy, I already told you this isn't about me and Buffy. We're about to be fighting a war that we can't even see, we were talking, last time I checked that didn't exactly endanger my soul." 

"You know you keep saying that, that you were just  _ "talking"  _ but it's Buffy, nothing is ever as simple as that between the two of you," letting out a large sigh, she tried to sound sincere as possible. Anytime Buffy was involved, that always equaled rocky waters. "Trust me I remember, I was there and like you said we're gearing up for war here, and as much as it makes my skin crawl something tells me that we better get used to each other because we're all going to be here for a good long while. I know you love her, I just don't want to see you get hurt, and no matter what you say, whenever the two of you get together, pain seems to follow."

Suddenly he felt the overwhelming urge for a drink, "Cordy, what Buffy and I had… it's over. We have enough to focus on, you don't need to waste your energy worrying about us, look I swear to you the last thing you need to be concerned about is Angelus. But like you said we're all going to be living together for the foreseeable future, and don't take this the wrong way, but I need you to back off a little." 

"Back off?" 

"Yes, Buffy and I are going to have to relearn how to coexist, just like you and Xander, Wesley and Giles, and everyone else. That's not something we're going to be able to do if you're constantly checking in on us, to make sure we're not--" he trailed off, trying to think of the best way to phrase what it was he was trying to say. " _ Doing it." _

Cordelia sighed, he still didn't get it. "Angel, I know you would never intentionally put us in jeopardy like that. But you're missing the point here, I know the two of you aren't just some slaves to lust, that's not what I'm worried about. What scares me is knowing that when it comes to her, you're an open book, she's in your heart, and I don't want to see that heart get broken again." 

Stepping towards her, he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. He knew she had good intentions, looking from her perspective, he could even understand where she was coming from. They were family, looking out for each other was what they were supposed to do. 

OoOoO

Dawn glared angrily through the blinds, she couldn't make out what they were saying but she damn sure didn't like the way Angel had Cordelia all wrapped up in his arms. Or the way he kissed her forehead as she turned to walk out of the office. She'd never been a huge fan of Cordelia, she honestly didn't even remember much about her, well except that she had dated Xander. Freaking Skank. 

Her expression never changing, she met Angel's eyes unafraid through the slats of the blinds. Good, she hoped he saw her watching him, she hoped he saw her writing in her journal, she hoped that he knew she was going to tell Buffy…

"Hey Dawnie, Buffy wanted me to make sure you got to bed. Did you want me to show you to your room?" 

So much for being treated as an adult, what if she didn't feel like sleeping. She hadn't been to school in weeks, her circadian rhythm was all jacked up as it was. Why did it matter so much when or if she went to bed, "I'm not sleepy," she grumbled returning her attention to the book he'd given her earlier. She was sure it was to try and make her feel important more than anything else but she was determined to prove herself during this whole quarantine. Maybe she couldn't find the cure or who was behind it, that might have been aiming a little too high, but she knew there had to be something she could do. If someone asked her to read or take notes or whatever the case might be... she'd be there to help. Unless, maybe, it was Cordelia. Or Anya. And, well, she wasn't too sure about these other people she had never met.... Packing it up while grabbing for another large book that was close to her on the table she put them on top of her notebook as she stood up. Glaring at Angel, she told him to lead the way. "I'm not going to bed yet, though," she grumbled. 

He pretended not to notice as he stepped back and started trying to make small talk with her as he started walking. Something this vampire had never exactly been good at and she only half listened as she followed behind.

She rolled her eyes halfway there. "Didn't you break up with my sister, break her heart in, like, a million pieces, skip out of town leaving us all behind and all of that stupid crap you went and pulled because you couldn't be with someone because of that gypsy curse thing?"

Angel suddenly paused, nearly causing the teenager to crash right into him, catching herself just in time. He turned around to look at her but didn't say anything, just narrowed his eyes like he was trying to get what she was getting at. 

Dawn sighed, rolling her eyes again. "I'm just sayin' that it doesn't seem to be stopping you from going after Cordelia," she said, sass running high and strong. "I know you know I saw the two of you back in your little office there. And I'm going to tell Buffy all about it. I'm sure she's going to regret dragging us all out here just to watch you fawning over Queen C, to know you left her so Angelus wouldn't come out to play again and yet you're perfectly fine with the idea of risking it with another woman. Cordelia to be precise. Doesn't seem real fair, ya know?"

Angel tried to smile. "Dawnie, I don't know what you think you saw happening with me and Cordelia-"

She held up a hand. "I'm not stupid," she told him, her voice hard. Angel chose to not argue with her or say anything else, just gave up and continued walking until they got to her room. "Is she your girlfriend?" Dawn couldn't seem to help but ask after he quickly showed her around the room she would be staying in until this mess was over and done with and was just getting ready to leave. 

"No, Dawn, she is not," he answered. "Cordelia has just... she's become an important part of my life. A lot of time has passed and a lot of things are different now than they were in Sunnydale. Me and Cordelia are close, she's part of my team, she means a lot to me."

Dawn's face got hard again. "Obviously."

He sighed. "Your sister wants you to check in with her before you go to sleep I think. You should probably try and get some sleep in soon, if you want to have an early jump start on tomorrow."

"Oh, don't worry. I've got plenty to discuss with Buffy. And I will be ready for whatever tomorrow brings."

OoOoO

Angel sighed some more as he headed back to where the majority of the combined groups were still together. He had a feeling this was not going to be the smooth joining up of all these important people that he had envisioned, though he should have guessed as much. Things with Buffy and him had always been more or less complicated. 

And now... now it had been a few years since he had been such a huge part of her life, since he had been around her like this, and so much on his end of the spectrum had shifted, changed, and evolved. He felt like his insides were all twisted up, yet a strange calm he'd not had since leaving her was in there as well. He felt confused with his feelings for the only woman he had ever truly loved in his long lifetime and with what feelings had started to develop toward Cordelia recently. He doubted them both being right here in front of him was going to make it any less confusing either, especially if they kept their nasty attitudes toward one another up like they'd toyed with today.

If anything, he would have thought Buffy showing up would have made all of those tingles toward Cordelia disappear like they were all just in his head, that he was just lonely without her and gravitating toward the first person really close to him and reminded him of that "home:... but it hadn't been as easy as that. But it also wasn't like he didn't feel more alive than he had in years once she was in front of him, that he didn't feel an ache overwhelming him knowing she wasn't his. 

It was bound to be a hell of a time as they dealt with this latest threat against the world around them. 

His relationship woes wasn't even something he, or they, needed to be distracted about, he knew that. There was too much a stake, but that wasn't a walk in the park to put to the side, either. 


	3. Chapter Three

As the night dragged on his friends all started to drift off to their own space little by little. He assumed Cordy had gone off to bed after their little talk as he hadn't seen her again. Xander and that girlfriend of his had been the next to leave barely minutes after he had come back from showing Dawn to her room, Lorne next stating he needed his beauty sleep. The watcher's both had to be told to take a break, handing them some snacks and bottles of water he'd sent them both off to their respective rooms, promising them everything would be exactly how they left it so they could pick right back up when morning came a'calling. 

Groaning, he took a seat, feeling tired his own self but knowing sleep wouldn't come right now. He grabbed up one of his notepads and started making a list of supplies he knew he needed to get on his next run. He planned on passing it around to the others so they could add what they needed to and he would see what could be done. 

His eyes glanced at the large white board that they were using to place all the key points about the virus they knew so far. Something about the whole thing felt off to him, it had since the news reports started coming in, but he couldn't pinpoint just what it was. 

There were tons of diseases he'd seen over the years attack the human population but never any like this. They had already come at this from every angle imaginable, and they were still batting zero. He just hoped with all the new perspectives around they could come up with something sooner rather than later. 

As he continued to stare at the white board, and as much as he tried to avoid it, his mind continued to drift back to the blonde upstairs. Their feelings for one another were no secret, it wasn't like they had split up for any of the normal reasons couples found themself not working out. Just because they were separated it didn't change how he felt. She would always be the love of his life, but so much had changed since he left Sunnydale. Most recently being his feelings for Cordelia. 

Feelings that he wasn't even sure what to make of. He cared about her, but lately, the last few months before all of this craziness began, he found himself wondering if there could be something more between them. She was his best friend, she'd been there with him through so much over these last few years. He would almost dare to say she knew him better than anyone, and most of the time that was probably the case, but not now, not with Buffy here. It didn't matter how much time they'd been a part, she would always know him on a level others couldn't match, not even Cordelia… though he would never be the one to tell her that. 

OoOoO

Blinking her eyes open, she nearly tumbled off the mattress at the sight of Dawn sitting on the edge of her bed staring at her. "Jesus Dawn, what in the hell are you doing?" 

Her arms crossed over her chest, her foot was bouncing a mile a minute as she waited for her sister to wake up. "There's something going on with Angel and Cordelia," she stated matter of factly. 

A short laugh burst from her, "What are you talking about," she groaned."Angel would never…" 

Dawn rolled her eyes, "Ya well, how do you explain the fact that I saw them all over each other last night in his office?" 

Sitting up in the bed, she leaned back against the headboard and glared at her little sister. "All over each other how?" 

"What do you mean how, there was kissing, and hugging, and, and when I told him that I was going to tell you he didn't even act like he cared." 

Dawn had to be exaggerating, there was no way, he wouldn't. "Let me get this straight," she struggled. "You saw Angel kiss Cordelia?"

Taking a deep breath, she shrugged. "Well not exactly, he kissed her on the forehead. But I promise you something is going on, and it's weird." 

She'd had enough. Throwing the covers off her she stood from the bed and grabbed for the suitcase she had packed. "Look, despite whatever you think you saw, I can guarantee you there is nothing going on between Cordelia and Angel, they're just friends." 

She would never understand why no one ever freaking listened to her. "Well I'm glad one of you is confident in that." 

OoOoO 

It was still early, the sun wasn't even up yet when she climbed out of the shower, but she'd needed some excuse to get a few minutes to herself. There was no way she could handle another second listening to Dawn rattle on about the two of them, but even as she put on a brave front in front of her, the more time she had to think about it, the more insecure she became. She was even beginning to wonder if all this, coming here, had been some giant mistake. Sure two watchers, were better than one, yada yada yada… but this whole being in his world again, was already turning out to be more than she expected. 

She couldn't even manage something as simple as getting dressed without stressing out. She'd nearly gone through all of her options before she finally settled on her favorite pair of yoga pants, and some strappy tank top number. Running the blow dryer through her hair, she took her time, in an attempt to delay the inevitable for as long as possible. 

Once her hair was dry, her makeup down, and the bed remade she took a final deep breath before stepping into the hall. It was still pretty early, so it wasn't like she was expecting everyone to be up, though she wasn't exactly expecting them all to be asleep either. Briefly she thought about how Angel probably hadn't even turned in for the night yet, but she quickly pushed those thoughts back out of her mind. 

Spotting the bald guy as soon as she came off the steps, she turned smiling in his direction. "Gunn, right?" 

Looking up from the paper he was reading, he took a second to look over the girl that his boss was so held up on. "That's me," he grinned, "And you're Buffy right?" 

She nodded, "The one and only."

"So you're the slayer," he asked, looking her over a second time. 

She nodded again, "Uh-huh, one of two actually." 

"You really send Angel to hell?" 

Her eyes bulged, clearly this dude wasn't apt to the list of things that weren't to be discussed. Still, she admired his bravery, there weren't many who dared to be so blunt with her. It was kind of nice, "Eh, it was only once," she shrugged, pulling up a stool next to him. 

He just stared at her for a few more seconds before he shrugged back. "Fair enough." 

Grabbing a fresh mug, he poured a second cup of coffee and passed it over to her. "So you have like super powers or something right? Cause where I'm standing you look awfully small to be out there fighting vampires." 

Taking a sip of the warm beverage, she just smiled, "I've been known to hold my own." 

Despite having just met, they really seemed to hit it off, which was pretty unusual for her. He asked a lot of questions, even some about her and Angel, which she definitely wasn't used too, but the way he was going about it, he just seemed as though he was trying to make conversation so she'd tried to answer them as best she could. 

He'd just got finished telling her some story that ended with Angel singing in that karaoke bar his green friend ran, and despite her valiant efforts she still found herself cracking up at the image he painted. 

She continued to laugh as he made light of other battles they'd fought over the years, she was near tears when the sound of someone clearing their throat had the both of them looking up. 

"Something funny," he questioned, taking in the sight of the two of them nearly doubled over. The smallest pangs of jealousy coursing through him. 

She tried to pull it together, but everytime she looked at him, she just saw Gunn's impression of Angel, Hawaiian shirt and all. Gasping, she actually had to turn around just to stop laughing. She'd just managed to get control of herself and turn back around when Gunn raised his hand and waved "Aloha,", which of course caused her to lose it all over again. She'd decided she was going to get along swimmingly with at least one member of Angel's little team he'd put together out here. She hoped the more time she spent with the others, minus Cordelia of course, she would find some way to bond with them as well. 

She doubted this virus issue was going to be over any time soon by the way it had been going thus far and the easier they could make this stay in place order go the better. They all still needed to get to know one another, figure out how to get along and merge together, learn to trust one another with their lives because things were bound to get hairy out there.

"Oh, stop looking so damn serious, Angel," Gunn panted as he started being able to breathe his own self again. "I was just filling Little Miss Thang here in on some of the adventures we've had over the past couple of years."

Buffy smiled at the vampire who had once upon a time stolen her heart and had never really given it back, knowing things had certainly changed in his life since leaving her behind. He had always been so serious, everything so doom and gloom she supposed because of their situations, but living out here had obviously changed him in a wide variety of ways. It hurt her to think of all she must have missed out on in his life the past few years, how far apart they drifted from one another despite how easy it was dealing with him last night, not getting to be around to see him loosen up some, not being there to fight side by side through some of the tougher spots he'd found himself in. 

It also didn't help calm that tiny bit of her that was concerned about what Dawn had spouted off about earlier. Maybe he had really changed more than she realized, maybe Cordelia and him had fallen together after all. Obviously they were a lot closer to one another than they had been in Sunnydale and it wasn't like he was throwing himself at her or anything. 

"What's wrong?" Angel asked, dragging her out of her worried thoughts.

"Nothing," she covered. "I was just brought back to reality a little I guess. You know, a lot going on around us and all. World trying to collapse yet again."

He nodded. "It's not wrong to let yourself forget for a few minutes though, Buffy. It's okay to enjoy your life, still. Best you can anyhow."

"Right. Still, I mean it was nice really getting to spend some time with you, Gunn," she told him, flashing a smile and grabbing her mug back up. "I should probably go see what the others are up to, though."

As she started to walk around the corner she nearly collided with Lorne. "Well, good morning Sugar Plum," he told her with a bright smile before his eyes narrowed and his head tilted to the side a little. "I was just going to go start breakfast, I was thinking pancakes, what's your take?"

Buffy shrugged. "Pancakes work for me."

He smiled at her again then pointed a finger at both Gunn and Angel when he reached them. "One of you is in trouble. I don't even need a musical note from her to pick up on that whole mess of emotions."

OoOoO

Sighing, Buffy took a seat after bidding a good morning to Giles, Willow and Wesley. Willow mumbled she had a hard time sleeping and how they probably wouldn't see Xander or Anya until noon. Turning on the television, Buffy started listening to the talking head as the latest round of statistics were being talked about on the news. Her stomach wanted to drop as she looked at the numbers as they flashed on the screen for different states, different countries, how much those numbers had grown from even just two nights ago until final count last night. 

"They're starting to put limitations on what you can buy, how much of items you can get," she said over her shoulder. 

Giles sighed. "That should make things interesting."

"More places are being told to close, too." 

"I'm sure we will see a lot of that over the next few days," he told her. "I think we might have to go underground for some of our more pressing and unusual needs. I still need to gather up some ideas of what might be considered as essential for our particular group."

Just as she spotted Angel out of the corner of her eye, she saw his face light up just the smallest bit and she felt her heart jump but from behind her she suddenly heard Cordelia and jealousy reared its head once more. "Is it wrong that I was just hoping this was all a bad dream?" Cordelia said. "But no, I wake up and everyone is still here."

"Well, yes, glad to see you too," Giles mumbled. "Would you like to help Wes and I set up for the day?"

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Not really. I was actually going to grab something to snack on then go down to the basement for a morning workout. I feel a lot of pent up anger and aggression that I need to get out. Besides, books still aren't really my thing."

'Surprising no one,' Buffy thought and her eyes followed the busty brunette as she crossed the room, smiling at Angel, her hand brushing up against him as though it was the most natural thing in the world. Angel leaned in to whisper something to her and she wanted to throw her now empty coffee cup at the two of them. 'Riley sure chose a hell of a time to leave,' she thought angrily.

Of course she and Angel weren't together and she was suppose to wish him well without her, that was the "proper" thing to do, she was supposed to move on and he was... well, it was hard to really say. With his curse it meant they couldn't be together, and he also would forever have a hard time when it came to getting close to anyone. She couldn't exactly go wish him a long and happy life with someone who could give him everything she couldn't because it didn't work that way. It was selfish of her but she had always been a little happy to know she was it, he couldn't just go fall for someone else, but now she wasn't so sure that was actually the case after all. 

And she would be damned if she would wish him well with Cordelia Chase of all people. 

She still wasn't sure what to even believe about that whole idea Dawn put in her head earlier. Maybe she was just seeing things she thought, but whatever was in fact going on whether they were just friends even she didn't like it. 

Of all the damn places in the world, all the damn people in this world, and they had to find one another again? It was ridiculous!

OoOoO

Xander showed up just in time for breakfast to start being passed around, and he didn't seem to have any problem sliding right in between Buffy and Willow. "So who's the new guy?"

Confused, Buffy and Willow shared a look before simultaneously asking "What new guy?" 

Xander shrugged as he stuffed a piece of bacon in his mouth, "I dunno, some new dude in the lobby, saw him coming out of the basement, said he was a friend of dead boys." 

Worried, she risked another glance at Willow, wasn't the whole point of this no one gets in, no one gets out. There wasn't much protecting going on if random people were able to just walk in whenever they pleased. Looking around the room, she searched for Angel but he was nowhere to be found, she was just about to excuse herself to go find out who this "friend" was when they heard a loud commotion from down the hall. Jumping to her feet, she raced alongside Gunn to see what exactly was going on.

OoOoO

"Is this how you treat all your guests," Lindsey croaked out as best he could, given Angel's hands were pressed against his throat.

His grip tightened, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you. It would be the perfect time too, what with the body count and all, you wouldn't be anything more than a statistic."

Throwing her arm out to stop Gunn from stepping any closer, she watched as Angel threw the newcomer against the wall. Stepping closer, she was trying to get a look at the guy, there was something about his voice that she just couldn't put her finger on. Coming up beside them, she was just about to say something when Angel glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Buffy get back," he growled over his shoulder, his face shifting to his demon's visage.The last thing they needed was for to get infected, sure she was a slayer, but that didn't make her invincible, and he didn't even trust this asshole as far as he could throw him. 

"Buffy," the stranger choked out, repeating her name. Angel's eyes flashed yellow as he once again tightened his hold on the lawyer's neck. 

Ignoring Angel, she stepped forward to look over his shoulder once again, finally getting a good look at the stranger's face, her eyes went wide. "Lindsey," she gasped, her hands flying to cover her mouth. 

"You know this asshole," Angel asked, jerking his head back in her direction. 

Lindsey took advantage of his momentary loss in concentration by using all of his strength to throw his fist into the vampires face. Angel stumbled slightly, but quickly recovered, raising his arm, he braced himself for contact but it never came. Instead he felt Buffy's small frame slide in between the two of them, pushing him back. "Damnt Buffy, don't touch him," he rumbled over a mouth full of fangs. Wrapping his arms around her as he spun her back out from between the two of them, "We don't know if he's infected," he murmured against her ear. 

Lindsey collapsed in a fit of coughs as he struggled to get oxygen back in his lungs. Gripping his throat with his good hand, he fought to get back to his feet. "What the hell is your problem," he spat towards Angel. "I came here as a friend." 

Angel laughed, his arms still wrapped securely around Buffy, not trusting her to keep her distance. "We're not friends Lindsey." 

Lindsey went to take a step towards them, only for Angel to glare and take a step back, pulling Buffy along with him. 

Having enough of this whole caveman business, she pushed his arms out from around her, she wasn't some Whoredelia that needed saving. "Oh my God, I can't believe it's you," she gasped, mindful to keep a safe distance between them. Angel was right about one thing, they couldn't take any chances. 

Finally settled from his coughing fit, he tossed the file he was holding across to her and nodded, "Proof I'm not infected." 

Snatching the folder out of Angel's reach, she opened it and began thumbing through the pages. She couldn't make sense of most of it, but he was right, the page on the front was lab results dated just yesterday. "He doesn't have the virus," Buffy spoke, flipping the folder closed and handing it over to Angel. 

Flipping through the file his own self, he was just about to say how a piece of paper didn't make a damn bit of difference, when he saw Buffy leaping into Lindsey's arms. 

"How ya' been gorgeous, what's it been, five, six years," Lindsey asked, holding her to him. 

All of the room's inhabitants looked on confused as Buffy and Lindsey stood there carrying on like old friends. "So how do you know Angel," she eventually asked, glancing back between the two of them again. 

Lindsey waved his arm in her face, "That asshole cut off my hand." 

Her mouth dropped, "You cut off his hand," she gasped, her attention shifting to the vampire in question. 

Angel shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "He deserved it," he argued. "Buffy you have no idea what he is capable of." 

Buffy laughed, "Lindsey? Please, I know exactly what he is capable of. I've known him since we were like ten."

Angel grimaced, as he tried not to knock that smug grin off his face. "How exactly do you two know each other again?"

Lindsey smirked, "She was in love with my best friend, and damn near broke my heart in the process."

Rolling her eyes, she shoved at his chest, "I was not in love with Tyler," she groaned. 

Angel barely suppressed a growl, it was one thing for her to be with Riley, as sick as that thought made him. It was another thing entirely for something to have gone on between her and Lindsey. His hands clenched at his sides, as he thought about how he should have killed the mother fucker when he had the chance. "Who the fuck is Tyler," he damn near shouted, drawing everyone's attention. 

Lindsey's brows rose while he quickly tried to put all of the pieces together. Why she was here, how she knew Angel, why the vampire seemed to be acting so damn possessive of her. Taking a small step back from Buffy he groaned, shaking his head, "Please tell me you're not sleeping with this moron." 

Angel snapped, moving for Lindsey again, but luckily Buffy managed to wedge herself back between them at the last second. Making sure she kept Lindsey behind her, she laid her hands against Angel's chest, as she looked up to him from under her lashes. "Tyler was this guy I dated, like before us dated, me him and Lindsey all grew up together." She pointed her thumb back behind her, "Lindsey went to Hemery with me, I've known him forever." 

Lindsey couldn't help but taunt Angel from his place behind Buffy. There were rumors after she left, but like most high schools it was hard to know what to believe. He had always meant to look her up but life had taken a number of turns since his days as a student at Hemery High and it kept getting pushed to the back burner of his mind almost as quickly as she'd flood in every now and there. 

"Wait, you dated  _ this  _ guy? Him? Why? When? How?" Lindsey asked, barely containing the disgust at the idea. Buffy was better than that. "You know what he is right?" he asked next, his voice a little lower. 

Buffy sighed. "Yes, Linds, I am aware that Angel is a vampire," she promised her old friend. 

"So, you know about...  _ things like that _ ?" 

Buffy pressed her lips into a hard line. This was bound to be fun. "I do, I have for awhile now... actually since not that long before me and my mom moved away. Which is actually something we should maybe talk about."

Angel growled. "You can't tell him who you are."

"Mother fucker, I know _ exactly  _ who she is! I know Buffy better than your fucking ass does."

"You fucking wish!" Angel shot back. 

"I suggest you both stop before I start punching holes in people's faces," Buffy groaned. 

"He's a fucking lawyer at Wolfram and Hart, Buffy."

"The evil law firm place?" she asked, her eyebrows scrunching up. She'd heard about it here and there over the years but didn't put too much into her concerns beyond rolling her eyes and thinking about how on the damn nose that was. 

"You can't trust him, especially not with  _ certain information _ ," he growled some more. "Maybe you knew him once upon a time but people can change a lot in just a matter of years." 

Buffy put one hand on her hip. "You don't say, Angel," she angrily replied back to him. "How about you let me decide who I want to tell my secrets to, okay?" 

"I'm trying to protect you."

Buffy decided against trying to talk any more to him right now, grabbing Lindsey's good hand in hers, she pulled him along behind her. "Come on, Linds. I believe you and I have a lot to catch up on."

OoOoO

Even after he had tried to explain how life had gone since their ways had parted, how he had wound up working for the legal team of the underworld and all, Buffy couldn't seem to think of him as anything but the Lindsay McDonald she had known when she was younger. He was hardly the first person in her life or who had been in her life at some point to travel down the wrong road, and wouldn't be the first to try and remedy the wrongs he'd done. 

Not a one of them under this roof were perfect and she wanted to try and remain as open minded with him as she could. 

She debated about revealing her secret about her being called as The Slayer, but she honestly doubted it would matter. Of course someone over at Wolfram and Hart was going to know, it's not like he'd break some code had he went back to them with the information or anything. 

His blue eyes narrowed as he took it in. "Really?" he asked. " _ You _ ?"

She looked at him all offended. "What's wrong with me?" 

"No, nothing... I just... that's just one hell of a gig, Buffy. And I have heard a number of stories about this Sunnydale Slayer... I just never gave thought to it being you I guess. That is a lot to take in." He then made a face. "I guess that explains about you and Angel then too. What in the hell was you, as a vampire slayer no less woman, getting caught up with a damn vampire?"

"He has a soul! It was a different situation!"

"Still. Vampire."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "It's a very long story."

Lindsey smirked and kicked his feet up. "I ain't goin' anywhere."

Rolling her eyes once more, she swatted at his leg. "I don't think I'm used to even seeing you in this fancy ol' suit yet," she said, trying to change the subject. "You without some boots on and those plain white tee's you love so much is freaking me out a little."

"Don't be tryin' to get out of this. I need details, though not too many mind you... I don't need to know nitty gritty details about your love life but damn."

Buffy sighed. "Okay, well I guess we should start at the beginning..." going back to when she first learned about her destiny.

OoOoO

Angel paced back and forth, his eyes threatening to flash to his demon self all over again as he watched Buffy and her friends all falling over Lindsey like it was nothing. Giles was the only one of them who seemed a little on edge besides those under his team with Lindsey's demonic connections and lack of a moral code but the others just took to him. Buffy looked happier than she had since her arrival, she was laughing and carrying on. 

Lindsey kept flirting with her, making her blush and tease him back and all it did was make him want to rip the damn lawyer in half. Of all damn people Lindsey had to show up? Here? He knew there had to be some reason behind it, too, but he hadn't had a chance to properly interrogate him thanks to Buffy stepping in and refusing to let him out of her sight. 

What he had gotten so far was bits of Lindsey's story about how the firm wasn't letting people in, he didn't trust his apartment anymore, and he figured he could help. Ha, he'd though. Lindsey helping. Wasn't that a damn riot. 

Buffy didn't know what he was capable of, she hadn't been here through all the shit he'd dealt with about Lindsey or the stupid band of lawyers and was too clouded with her emotions as usual, too caught up in wanting to see the good in people, seeing people for who they once were than what was right in front of her face. 

Sometimes he envied that ability she had, but not always. And certainly not in this case.

His hands fisted up at his side as Lindsey suddenly reached over and tucked a strand of loose honey colored hair behind Buffy's ear and shot her a wink. "You know, I wouldn't have believed it had someone told me, but you're more beautiful now than I remember."

OoOoO

After about the third time of nearly breaking up a fight between Lindsey and Angel as the night wore on, Buffy stood up and told them they both needed to knock it off and that there were bigger issues at hand then some stupid cock fight. She couldn't believe all hell had started out - this time - over Lindsey making some smart ass remark about how much more fun the two of them could have had together had she not been off frolicking with the enemy demons and all. 

"Oh, don't worry, Buf," Lindsey brushed off the angry vampire stomping his way toward him. "You're not the first pretty blonde to create more of a rift between the two of us."

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

Lindsey smirked, "Darla." 

Confused, she turned back to Angel. "Darla? I thought she was dead." 

"She was," Lindsey nodded, "Wolfram & Hart brought her back." 

She felt like she was going to be sick. "Something tells me I'm missing some details." Her eyes burned, shocked, she continued to stare straight at Angel, silently begging him to step in, to say something, to say anything to make this sinking feeling inside of her go away. 

"Ya," Lindsey sighed, not quite liking how upset she suddenly seemed. "Me and her, well we kind of had a thing," he shrugged. "Ya know, until your boy here stepped in and fucked it all up. Her literally." 

Snapping, he lunged at Lindsey so fast she hadn't even had time to react until he was already sliding across the floor. Stunned, it took her a few seconds to remember how to tell her feet to move. "Buffy," Angel sighed, turning around trying to grab her, but she jumped back, out of his reach. "Do Not touch me," she spat, no longer caring about the hot tears on her cheek. 

Wiping angrily at her face she carefully stepped around him to help Lindsey get up off the ground. "Come on," she told him, grabbing his hand, "I think I need a drink." 

It was one thing for him to flirt or do whatever he was doing with Cordelia. It was another thing entirely to know that not only had he knowingly endangered his soul, but he had chosen to do it without her. 

Maybe it was just hindsight, but she wasn't sure it had hurt this much when he left. Despite everything she still loved him more than anything in this world, Riley had literally left her because of it, and meanwhile here he was clearly not looking back. He was her constant, he was Angel, she wasn't sure she even knew how to exist knowing he didn't love her anymore. 


	4. Chapter Four

She hated alcohol, not having had the best experiences with the stuff, but she hated these feelings swirling around her more. She refused to fall apart, she wouldn't, not again, not over him. Shutting down, she laughed when she was supposed to laugh, and spoke up when someone asked her a question, but it was all a facade. She wouldn't have been able to even tell you what Lindsey had just said, so lost in that dark abyss that she was basically running on auto-pilot. 

Lindsey had saved the day when he pulled out a bottle of tequila from one of the cabinets in the kitchen. She wasn't sure how he'd known exactly where to look, but she hadn't questioned it either. She wasn't sure how long they had been in here, but she figured it was a while. Nearly everyone had come up with some excuse or another to mosey in, everyone that was, except for him… and Cordelia. 

Most of them were smart enough to stare from a distance, but Willow and Giles had each ventured up to her, luckily they each knew better than to ask if she was okay. 

Thankfully Lindsey had seemed to catch on pretty quick that she was in fact no where near okay. He'd done his best to cheer her up, telling her stories of his time over the years, reminiscing on old times they'd had, and avoiding anything that had to do with the vampire who'd so obviously broken her heart… again. 

OoOoO

After everything, after seeing her walk off with that little prick, he'd ventured up to his room, needing to put some space between the three of them. Knowing that if he didn't, he was going to end up killing the son of a bitch. Buffy finding out about Darla had not been on his list of concerns when he'd invited them here, but of course leave it to that cock sucking asshole to bust in and turn everything upside down. He was not staying here, not a fucking chance. Hell, he would do the world a fucking favor by getting out there and catching the damn virus. 

Everything inside of him screamed for him to go get her, to drag her in his room and remind her just who she belonged, to erase every single thought about him and Darla from her head. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her, and he knew the kind of thoughts that must be running through her head right now, he remembered them well. He hadn't been sure he was going to make it through the night, that time he'd returned from Sunnydale after coming face to face with Riley. 

OoOoO

Having finally managed to sneak away from everyone, Willow rapped lightly on Angel's door. She'd been periodically checking on Buffy, trying to keep a close eye on her, knowing she was on the verge of falling apart and she hadn't figured Angel was doing much better. 

Knocking a little bit harder, she continued until he swung open the door. Her breath nearly caught in her throat as she took in his haggard appearance, clearly he wasn't doing any better than her friend downstairs. "Oh, Angel," she frowned. 

He'd opened the door ready to scream at whoever the hell dared to disturb him right now, but of all the options he hadn't been counting on Buffy's best friend. His eyes softened slightly, "How is she," he finally sighed, turning around to walk deeper into the room, motioning for her to follow. 

Closing the door behind her, Willow followed him to a couple of chairs in his living area. "Honestly?" she asked, "About the same as you." 

Dropping his head back to the chair, he closed his eyes, "I never meant to hurt her. The thing with Darla… it wasn't like that."

Willow smiled softly, "Then you should tell her that Angel, when it comes to you, well you're still one of the only people with the power to turn her world upside down." 

Shifting his focus back to the red head, he let her words soak in for a minute, "I don't think she wants to talk to me." 

Rolling her eyes, sometimes she really wondered how men could be so dense. "Oh come on," she huffed. "What, you think she needs Lindsey? Despite what anyone else in this hotel says, we both know you are the only person she needs right now." 

Grinding his jaw, he wasn't sure she knew what she was asking of him. "You really think that's a good idea?"

Willow just shrugged, "Not really seeing how either of you are going to feel any better till it happens." 

She was right about that, plus the sooner he got things settled with Buffy, the sooner he could settle them with Lindsey.

"Where is she?"

OoOoO

She still wasn't sure what she was laughing at, but she was laughing, and it felt so much fucking better than crying. Having lost count three or four shots ago, she had a feeling she would be paying dearly for this tomorrow, but for some reason she just couldn't bring herself to care.

Picking up the bottle of tequila, she'd been just about to suggest another round when she spotted him out the corner of her eye.

Buffy set her jaw as their eyes met, suddenly feeling worse all over again. 

Catching on, Lindsey stopped mid sentence to look over his shoulder, also spotting the vampire. He took a drink before letting his blue eyes drift back to Buffy, trying to gauge where her head was. 

"Do you need something?" Buffy finally asked, her tone as cold as ice. 

"I think we should talk," he said and she snorted in annoyance at the idea. "In private," he added. 

Buffy huffed out another laugh at that. "In private? Why? Nothing else is private around here. Not me finding out you're going around sleeping with ghosts-"

"That wasn't my doing-"

"Not the Buffy and Angel show where everyone's acting like they aren't watching our every damn move. Not any of the remarks made about Wesley and Fred despite her relationship with Gunn. Not you prancing around here staring at Cordelia-"

"Buffy," he cut her off again. "Please? Can I just explain?"

"I don't think there's a way for you to do that, Angel. Not to me."

Angel sighed and Lindsey debated what he should do but in the end Buffy finally seemed to come to her own decision, asking him in a round about way to let them have a moment. 

OoOoO

Lindsey had briefly touched on the whole how Darla came back to life part of everything, careful not to say too much, not to talk about him and the blonde anymore on a personal level, and doing all he could do to avoid actually mentioning Angel as well. She still didn't understand it, though, and doubted she really ever would. 

It was out of her normal, but it wasn't the craziest thing she'd heard about either. 

"So," she said after a few moments of them just existing in this tense space passed, "I was thinking,,, I didn't know much about Darla when she was in Sunnydale and when she wound up dusted. I didn't really think about it, didn't need to... I thought. But... but as Spike came and Darla came... and of course when you lost your soul and we were doing a lot more research about your pre-curse days and all... and even mentions of you and her over the years... it doesn't surprise me entirely I guess. You were together for over a century, she created you in this new version, you as Angelus and her were bonded in ways I would never understand."

"Buffy..."

"You loved her. She-she was your first love."

"Vampires don't love, Buffy. Angelus... he didn't love Darla. There's a bond there but it wasn't love."

She shook her head. "I've seen Spike and Dru. Not everything is as black and white as people want to make it out to be. You of all people should know that."

"Doesn't change what I'm telling you."

Pulling her legs up so her knees were against her chest, "You wanted her even after you were cursed. You tried so hard for her, you felt betrayed by how she treated you. Maybe you never really got over it. I spent so much time wondering how you dusted her that night because of that history. I also used to picture it as almost romantic, that you were trying to save me, protect me. But maybe it had nothing to do with me at all. But then it was done, and what else could you do? Until some people start fucking around and bring her back to you, apparently."

"You're going about this all wrong, Buffy. I know that everything must look a certain way to you and I am sorry for that. Hell, I'm sorry you fucking found out the way you did. But it isn't how you think."

"It's not?" she dared him. 

Angel sighed, slinking down against the floor to sit in a position similar to hers. "I didn't know what to think when Darla was alive again, let alone human. It was the closest thing I know of to what I went through with getting my curse. I was drawn in to her in part to that, Buffy. Yes, some to our past together, too. And also because she was innocent again, and she was scared, and she was dealing with a lifetime regret of what she had done as a monster... a monster she wasn't anymore. I wanted to help her. I tried, I tried so hard to help her..."

Buffy sniffled, wiping a new string of tears from her face, silently cursing their betrayal as he tried to explain about what it was like having a human Darla before him, about how it nearly destroyed him having to watch them bring Dru in to sire her into a demon all over again. 

"I felt destroyed, Buffy. Not just because of Darla but a good fucking portion of it was her... I wanted to give her that second chance, to maybe have the chance to find peace in the afterlife this time, to find redemption. It was one of the few things I truly cared about as a long term goal since leaving you, leaving Sunnydale... and I failed. I crashed and burned. It only got worse with me fighting more with the others I cared about. With feeling a connection again to someone in Darla and how it reminded me of you, of what I once had... and a slap in the face of what I couldn't have... topped it all off with a certain elevator ride and a talk with an old foe and... I... I was desperate. I was hurting, Buffy. More than I had in a long time... it was basically being told nothing I did mattered, shown that there's no fucking hope for anything or anyone almost. I felt as though everything I had done... including trying to do right by you... didn't matter. And I didn't know what to do with that... with that information, with those thoughts, those feelings..."

"You didn't come to  _ me _ . You didn't reach out to  _ me _ ."

He took in a heavy breath he didn't need, letting it back out slowly. "It wasn't... it wasn't like that."

"You didn't need me," she barely managed to get out. "You didn't want me."

"That isn't true, Buffy."

"How is it not? You were at your lowest point, Angel. You wanted to stop being tortured with a soul? You wanted to stop hurting, right? You wanted to not care?" 

"Yes, but-"

"But you didn't come to me," she whispered. "You didn't come to me to help you, nor, Angel, nor did you come to me for that. You didn't come back to me to... to try and lose your soul... to whatever... you didn't risk that with me. You didn't want me," she repeated, her voice a little louder, harder. 

"I wasn't thinking about that, Buffy, about... about who I wanted to be with. That's nowhere near where my head was. She was just... she was just there and I was depressed and I was pissed off and I wasn't thinking. She was just...  _ there _ ."

"Because you left me! Because you didn't come to me with any of this!"

His head hung down a little, they were going in circles, she was only hearing what she wanted too. "I always want you Buffy, that hasn't changed, but I'm not sure what you want me to say. You were with Riley. What was I supposed to do, show up in Sunnydale, crawl through your window again and have my way with you? You really think that would've played out like you're imagining it?" 

She huffed in annoyance again, "I'm not imagining anything, Angel. Lolling her head back against the wall she let her eyes fall back on his again. "Do you want to know why Riley left me," she sighed, her gaze hardening. "He left me because I couldn't give him the parts of me that still belonged to you, I wouldn't. He left me because he knew that if it somehow came down to you or him, there was no choice, he knew that I would always pick you." Her voice hardened some more, "He knew that despite everything, I still belonged to you."

"Buffy," he began. 

"No," she shook her head. "I moved on because I had too, because it was what you made me feel like I needed to do. You leaving nearly destroyed me, I didn't even know how to exist without you. You have no idea how many nights I laid there willing you to appear in that fucking window, how many times I stared at that damn card you sent, wondering how you would react if I just showed up… I thought you felt the same way," she spat, getting to her feet. "But as it turns out, you were out here building this grand new life, the pathetic little  _ school girl _ you left back in Sunnydale nothing but a distant memory. You know you always said you left because you wanted me to have a normal life, which was a weak excuse to begin with, but now-now I know it was all just some cop out. You left me to find a normal life." 

"You know that's not true," pushing himself off the floor, he got back to his own feet. 

She laughed, "Do I Angel? 'Cause I don't think so, I don't think I know anything anymore. Well, except that I should have listened to Angelus all those years ago." She shrugged, "It wasn't a big deal right? That's what he said?" 

He tried to take a step towards her, but she continued to back away from him. She was baiting him, and he knew it. There was no telling how much she'd had to drink, he did not want this to turn into something bigger than it was, but she was only hearing what she wanted too right now. His jaw clenched, "I never loved Darla, Buffy." 

Folding her arms, she nodded her head as she closed the distance between them, not stopping until she was nearly up against him. Looking deeply into his eyes, she silently willed her tears away as she opened her mouth. "And apparently you never loved me either." 

She stood there staring, daring him to deny it, to touch her, to tell her she was wrong. There was nothing he could say to make any of this better, not right now at least. 

Knowing better than to try and stop her, he watched with barely held restraint as she turned to leave, "Where are you going?" 

Pausing in the doorway, she tilted her head, as she glanced back.

"To move on." 

OoOoO

Grabbing the bottle of liquor, he threw it against the wall, watching as it shattered around him. 

"So much for the show being over." 

He groaned, slamming his hands on the counter in front of him. "Not now, Cordelia." 

Rolling her eyes, she circled around him, "I told you, it's always about her." 

"Damnt Cordy, GO!"

OoOoO

Focused on nothing except getting to the safety of her room, she hadn't even noticed Lindsey trailing behind her. Rushing through the door, she felt like she was going to be sick as she darted toward the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before all the liquid inside her began to spew back out. 

He still couldn't believe that of all the people, of all the fucking vampires in this world, she had to go get herself tangled up with this prude son of a bitch. Grabbing a wash cloth from under the counter, he wet it in the sink before laying it across the back of her neck. Sinking down to the bathroom floor with her, he leaned back against the cabinet while he waited for her to stop spewing. 

"You deserve so much fucking better than this Buffy, he doesn't deserve no damn tears." 

Her cheek resting on the side of the toilet seat, she shook her head, her eyes burning once again. "I don't want to love him anymore, Linds, I don't, I swear. I've tried so hard to make it stop, I met someone else, and I tried, I really fucking tried, but I couldn't, I couldn't fucking love him and he knew it so he left too. Why do they all leave Lindsey, they all leave and they all move on, and I'm just here stuck pining over some high school fling." 

Taking a swig of his beer, he slammed his head back against cabinet doors, not believing himself what was about to come out his mouth. "He loves you Buffy," he swallowed the fowl taste those words left in his mouth. "Trust me, Angel's a dick, but you wouldn't be here if he didn't care." 

"Well under that logic, he cares about you too." 

Lindsey huffed, "No gorgeous, you care about me, and he now knows that. If it were up to Angel, he would've thrown me right back out as soon as I gave him that damn file." 

Taking the rag from her neck, she used it to wipe off her face. Still feeling a little woozy, and not quite trusting herself to stand just yet, she crawled over to where he was sitting, and laid her head across his lap. In a different universe, one where she'd never been called as the slayer, where she had never moved to Sunnydale, one where she had never met Angel, then she could almost imagine a future where her and Lindsey ended up together. It wasn't that far of a stretch honestly, he'd been in love with her almost as long as she could remember, but when they were younger Tyler had always been in the way, and if there was one thing Lindsey was, it was loyal. She figured that was probably why he made such a good lawyer for that evil law firm place, he'd always had the ability to look past someone's faults, if he was your friend then it didn't matter what messed up things you did, he would still be there to back you. She didn't think it would be much different now that they were grown ups. 

"Let's go to bed."

He smirked, "You're just trying to get my ass kicked, huh?"

OoOoO

Waking up, unsure of how long she had been asleep and far from having a clue as to what time it might be now, Buffy felt woozy even just laying there and trying to open her eyes. She wasn't surprised by the throbbing headache hitting her with full force, the pain that seemed to be shooting down from her neck and to about halfway down her back, the churning coming back in her stomach... the heaviness inside her heart hitting her as she remembered earlier... 

She wasn't surprised by the snoring Lindsey beside her either. 

He was sporting an unhappy looking face and some nasty bruises from his run ins with Angel so far today, including the latest from when Angel had tried to come busting in here all high and mighty - like he had any right now, all screaming at Lindsey for apparently trying to take advantage of her in her "state" and a lot of other nonsense he managed to start in over before she had to step in and get rid of his ass once again.

She remembered screaming at him so loud, so strongly, that she'd temporarily come close to losing her voice from it all. 

She was sure today would not go down as one of her shining moments but she really didn't even care at this point. At the end of the day she was still human, even above her calling - which many people seemed to forget. She was human, she had emotions, she had many ups and downs, she had winnings and failures. She was a young woman and didn't have to be the perfect leader all the fucking time. 

She was here to help figure out this damn virus, that was what was important. She knew that. But finding out that the person who was supposed to be the love of your life didn't view you in the same was as you did him kind of sucked, too. And in the moment it was all she could think about and deal with.

All of this had been the least of her concerns when she agreed to come out here.

Forcing herself into a seated position, she squeezed her eyes shut as her body leaned against the headboard and her head just above it to the wall behind her. Her eyes went down to Lindsey again and she rolled her eyes, hoping Angel's stupid ass was out there thinking she and Lindsey were actually up to no good in here rather than the truth of the situation. She hoped it was pissing him off, hurting him somehow... though she doubted even that at this point. 

OoOoO

Her face was hard as she finally worked up the courage to step out of her room. Giles was the first to take notice of her, a little surprised and empathetic look on his face. "Buffy," he greeted softly, in that way only her watcher knew how. "H-how are you feeling?" 

"I have been better," she answered. "I was laying up there thinking maybe this was all a bad idea, us coming here. I understand you being here would be helpful, two watchers are always better than one and all of that, but I don't really think all of us need to be here. The more I think about it, the worse of an idea it seems to have left Sunnydale unprotected." 

Giles opened his mouth then seemed to sigh. 

"I could agree with that," she heard Cordelia say and Buffy didn't even bother to respond, look her way, acknowledge her in any way. 

"Buffy," Giles finally said, in that same damn tone. "I believe you were the one who convinced us to come here and with very valid reason behind it. If something back on The Hellmouth were to change then we might need to reassess what we are doing here, but... but despite the current developments on the, err, rather, personal level of things... I do believe we are still better off here, together. A-all of us."

Her jaw twitched a little bit. She didn't want to have this conversation with the audience before her so instead she simply said it was something they needed to talk about later before walking off.

OoOoO

Trying to get a moment of peace away from everyone, Buffy spun around ready to tell off whoever had followed her... only to find herself face to face with the tall green demon again. "What kind of cure are you looking for? Something to help with the hangover, or are you interested in drowning your sorrows some more?" he asked her. 

"I hadn't decided," Buffy answered. Either that would help her head would be nice, though nothing over the counter was going to help her heart, her soul feeling like it had been ripped to shreds. 

He smiled a little, easily making his way around her, his hands reached where they needed to and he grabbed a little bit of both and put them on the counter nearby. 

"Thanks. I guess."

That little hint of a smile again. "It's not my place and by all means if you don't want to hear what I have to say you just tell me to hush... but... I know you're going through a lot right now and any one of us here would like to be able to take some of that pain away for you, even our little team here who don't really even know you that well. We know how hard life has been, we know the tragic tale of you and Angelcakes up there. I cannot imagine what it must be like for you to be here and around him again, to see how his life has changed, to know some of these less thrilling details about his time in Los Angeles-"

Buffy swallowed. "Thanks, but it really doesn't matter. None of it does. Apparently."

Lorne's head tilted to the side. "He wasn't in a good way... I really don't think he's been himself since arriving in town but something about that little blonde thing being brought back just wrecked something inside of him. It wasn't about love, it wasn't really all that much about her, either. He was in despair-"

"And he didn't come to me to help."

"Of course he didn't," Lorne told her. "Wanting to risk his soul wasn't about with who, if anything in the back of his mind he was probably more terrified of you... of putting you through that again, putting the people you love in danger like that with no sort of warning. It was also a fast choice, a passing thought, one that came and went... it wasn't a well thought out plan, Buffy."

"Still."

" _ Still _ . Still... he knew that you would help, and that isn't what he wanted. He knew you could talk him out of something so ridiculous as what he was wanting and how he felt, the whole thing... he knew, somewhere inside of him, he knew that you would stop whatever hole he was falling into and he didn't want that. He  _ couldn't  _ go to you."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing you are saying makes me feel any better and besides that you're kind of missing the point." 

Lorne sighed, "Look muffin, I know you don't know me very well, but as you know I sense things, and right now all I'm getting is a whole bunch of heart break off the two of you. Now like I said, I'm not real familiar with the story of you and our boy up there -he stays pretty tight lipped when it comes to you- but what I do know is him. He would never hurt you buttercup, not intentionally anyway. Now this whole Darla thing, as painful as it may be to hear, you're just going to have to accept that it wasn't about you. He was lost, for a while there even I didn't know which way things were going to go for him. That night with her, it wasn't love, it was no where close to what the two of you shared, it was the culmination of a lot of bad choices, bad choices that were spurred on from your little lawyer friend up there and his buddies." 

She wiped at her eyes again, not sure how she even had any tears left to cry at this point. "He just wants to blame everything on Lindsey."

"Jealousy is not his best color, it's true, but there's a whole lot of history there that you're missing out on. And that's not me just trying to talk down on your friend either, personally I'm pretty fond of him, he used to come into the bar a lot back before… well before him and Angel got into a little scuffle and he lost that hand of his. Anyways, the whole point I'm trying to make is that you're coming at this from all the wrong angles, you're missing the big picture." 

"Oh ya, what's that," she asked, finishing off the drink he poured her. 

"Darla didn't succeed. Yes they did the horizontal mambo, but he didn't lose his soul, she wasn't able to take that from him, even when it was what he wanted. Now I get that you're hurt, and I understand that you feel like you were robbed of the experience, but you weren't. Darla didn't take anything from you, you're still the only girl whose ever been able to make him truly happy, the only girl he has ever admitted to truly loving." Noticing that she had opted for the glass without alcohol, he took the second one from in front of her. Stepping back from the counter, he shot her a wink before turning to leave her alone with her thoughts. Of course he'd picked up on things about the girl from time to time, but just as he didn't like to talk about her, Angel had done a pretty good job at pushing her from his thoughts as well. Though after being around the two of them, and especially after the high strung emotions the last twenty-four hours had brought, he was a bit confused as to how he managed it. 


	5. Chapter Five

Having been unable to sleep after everything last night, and then the bullshit this morning, he was exhausted in every way imaginable. He'd expected her to react badly, but he never thought she would truly believe he didn't love her, but he also knew that she was viewing this whole scenario completely different than anyone else. She didn't give a damn that he had risked Angelus, in her mind he had risked something with his sire, that he had been unwilling to risk with her. He'd had sex with Darla, instead of making love to her, and he wasn't sure how in the hell he was supposed to go about fixing that. 

They weren't together, and even though his soul was no longer an issue, he couldn't exactly just drag her to his room and prove that what happened between him and Darla didn't mean anything. He couldn't just snap his fingers and make the last two years disappear either. They had each been through too much to just go back. His mind continued to spin, he wasn't sure how he'd got himself in this situation. Just yesterday he was questioning his feelings for Cordelia, and now here he was, his thoughts once again totally consumed by Buffy. At least that was one less thing he needed to worry about, obviously his feelings for the brunette didn't run that deep. When she'd called him out in the kitchen last night, when she'd brought up Cordy he'd wanted to vomit, knowing the pain that it too must have caused her. 

Thankfully, he'd never made his feelings clear, but even as friends he knew Cordy would be the first to call him out if she noticed something going on between him and Buffy. Though, he was fairly certain there was already an earful waiting for him downstairs after his little throw down this morning. He'd just wanted to talk to her, to try and get through to her after she'd had a little bit of sleep, but he'd fucking lost it when he stepped through that door and saw her curled up against that sick son of a bitch. 

Apparently, jealousy still ran both ways. 

He also couldn't believe all of her revelations about Riley, about why he left her, about how she still felt about him. It was too much, too confusing, he'd nearly forgotten how hard it was to be around her sometimes. Despite the time they had been apart, despite Riley or Darla, she still mattered more to him than anyone, and it still cut him up inside to know she was upset, especially at him, especially over this. 

OoOoO 

Having thought he'd spent long enough sulking in his room, and knowing there were things to do, he finally made his way downstairs a couple of hours after the sun had set, with a promise to himself that he would do his best to ignore the lawyer. Though he wasn't certain he could make any guarantees if he saw his hands on her again. She'd clearly forgotten who the fuck she was dealing with if she thought for one second any of that nonsense was going to happen with him around. He'd done enough damage in his day, he was fairly certain one more lawyer wouldn't even tip the scales.

He pretended like he hadn't noticed everyone's eyes following him as he made his way to Wes' office, making sure to grab Cordelia's elbow as he passed, he pulled her along with him. There was one thing Buffy had been right about, none of them were very good at minding their own damn business, not when it came to the two of them. 

"Geeze Angel, handle much," Cordelia scoffed once he had closed the door behind them. 

"I need you to get another room ready, preferably one on a different floor." 

"Why," she asked confused. "Literally everyone we know is already here."

He nodded, "For Lindsey." 

"Oh my god, you have got to be kidding me. You're going to let…," she paused. "Oh," she sighed. "This is about her." 

Plopping down in one of the chairs, she crossed her arms, waiting for him to continue. "Go on."

His jaw clenched, he closed his eyes still trying to come to terms with the idea of actually welcoming and letting that asshole stay in his house, his hotel, under his roof, but also mentally preparing for the earful he was sure Cordelia would give him once he was done. Over Buffy, over this plan, over him yelling at her earlier... He could almost see the words brewing behind her eyes as she stared at him.

However, before he could start explaining, Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Although, I should probably mention that Buffy came downstairs earlier all talking about how she wasn't going to stay here. And, if she leaves, I have a feeling Mister Lusty Blue Eyed Lawyer Boy will be following right behind her rather than sticking around here with your sour puss self."

Angel's hands fisted up at his sides. 

"Which, in case you are wondering, I am all for and almost offered to help her pack. Xander, too. I mean I could understand Giles staying, Willow and that girlfriend of hers, but-"

"Buffy can't leave," he ground out, cutting her off. "We need everyone here, you know that. Buffy, Xander, that ex-demon girlfriend of his... We will get through this a lot better as a team. We are all a lot safer with her, with them here, and they are safer here than back in damn Sunnydale. That was the goddamn point!" 

Cordelia looked unimpressed with the rising of his voice but let it sit for a moment. "A series of the others have already tried talking to her, Angel, and you know Buffy... stubborn as a mule and doesn't want to hear any of it. Although, as much as I hate to admit it beyond the whole we have all seen how well you two do around each other and only chaos will follow bit of why I would agree with her, I also understand why after finding out about you and Darla's little escapades she would be a little miffed. She was hardly the only one you managed to upset during that whole ordeal in case you have forgotten.. and with Buffy, with someone who loves in all the dramatic ways, it's an impossible low blow to her to find out about it... especially in the manner that she did. And, as a girl, I can promise you it does hurt her in ways you absolutely will never even fully understand."

OoOoO

Hurrying out of the room, he nearly smashed into Dawn who he was sure had been trying to listen from the other side since catching him dragging Cordelia in here. She recovered quick enough to glare at him, her eyebrows raising with a know it all look she'd obviously perfected since the last time he'd seen her. 

"If you're in love with Cordelia," Dawn spoke a moment later, "and going to wind up with that being all rubbed in my sister's face the whole time we are here as well, maybe it's best you not do what I think you're about to do."

"And what's that?" he entertained. 

"You going off to find her and convince her to stay somehow. It's bad enough that she's been crying her eyes out and feeling like her heart has been ripped out yet again over you, because of that stupid blonde vampire whore of yours, but to really see you falling for Cordelia of all people would actually wreck her a lot more. You leaving her to just go fall for one of her friends? It isn't going to sit right with any one of us either. Not to mention we all know Cordelia always had feelings for you and it'll only make her question every single thing that ever happened with the two of you. Not that she probably isn't doing a lot of that right now anyway..."

He sighed, wondering how in the hell he even got into any of this mess in the first place. He was starting to wonder his own self if it had been better to have never asked her to come the other day, or if she would in fact be better off back at The Hellmouth where maybe he wouldn't be hurting her like this. This was not at all how he expected any of this to go.

OoOoO

It took everything he had - once again - to not snap the lawyer's neck in half when he knocked on the door and Lindsey's face greeted him. Not only that, but the asshole was standing there with wet hair and droplets of water on his body, standing there in only a towel. 

"Where's Buffy?" he gritted out. 

Lindsey smiled, leaning on one bent arm in the door frame. "Still in the shower."

With that, Angel rushed forward, his fist connecting with Lindsey's face once again. The two were tumbling to the ground, limbs flying about everywhere, blood droplets spreading around the room, mere moments later. 

"Jesus Christ," Buffy yelled at them. Both heads turned to see her standing in the doorway of the connecting bathroom, shampoo still halfway in her hair, dripping water everywhere as she also stood before them in just a fluffy white towel. 

Lindsey used the distraction as an opportunity to get the upper hand long enough to get back to his feet. 

"What is wrong with the two of you now?" she asked, clearly annoyed. 

Lindsey fixed the towel around his waist. "Oh, you know, this shithead showed up asking where you were," he told her. "I told him you were still in the shower."

Buffy rolled her eyes at his little smirk, clearly reading between these lines. "For the love," she muttered. "I jumped in the shower after Lindsey was finished with his. Not that any of that is any of your business." 

"Oh," Angel muttered. 

"Yeah. Oh," she mocked. "Now, can you two manage to keep your hands to yourself long enough for me to finish getting bubbles out of my damn hair?" she asked. "Lindsey, your ass can get dressed. Angel, you can just go wherever the hell you want to. Away."

"I need to talk to you," he told her softly. 

"I believe we have said more than enough to one another for awhile, Angel."

"Buffy,” he breathed out, exhausted all over again “Please? It doesn't have to be right now, just... whenever you feel like you might be up to it."

She huffed. "I'm pretty sure that's going to be the first Tuesday after Never but okay," she answered. “We can see what happens.”

Angel felt his heart sink a little but nodded. He glared at Lindsey one last time before sulking back out into the hallway. 

OoOoO

Closing and locking the door behind her, Buffy barely made back under the hot spray of water before falling apart again. Her hand covered her mouth as her eyes squeezed shut, her body sinking down to the bottom of the large tub to the shower. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid and naive about their relationship all of these years, especially in the past few where they had been apart. In her mind they had always belonged to each other, it didn't matter that they weren't together, or that she'd found that "normal boyfriend" he'd convinced her she needed. 

Her fingers pruned, she'd stayed in the bottom of that porcelain tub until the water ran cold. She wasn't sure what he wanted to talk about, well she had an idea, but as far as she was concerned there wasn't anything left to be said. He couldn't take it back, he couldn't change anything, and the last thing she wanted was his damn pity. All she wanted to do right now was make it through the rest of this damn day, and figure out who all was going to head back to Sunnydale with her. It was painfully obvious that Angel had things handled here, he didn't need her. He needed Giles, and Willow maybe, but the rest of them were basically just taking up space and she was sure they would all be a lot more comfortable back on the Hellmouth. 

She wasn't sure she could face everyone downstairs, not yet. She didn't think she could hold herself up against all their inquisitive stares, and she was certain everyone had already seen their fair share of cry Buffy this little trip. Crawling into bed, she'd just begun to doze when she heard Lindsey coming back into the room, she had wondered where he dared to venture off too, there was no back down in his blood that was for sure. Though she wouldn't necessarily call that a good thing either, eventually it was probably what would get him killed, that was if Angel didn't get there first. 

Not having the mental capacity to deal with him either, she closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. Thankfully he seemed to take the hint, softly sinking into the space next to her, taking care to leave plenty of space between them. But after the blows he'd taken over the last twenty-four hours, she couldn't exactly blame him for being cautious. 

OoOoO

He wasn't sure why since Lindsey didn't seem to have a problem making himself at home, but he'd been a little surprised to see him coming down the stairs with Buffy nowhere in sight. Sinking back into the shadows, he made his way to the back staircase, the last thing he needed was any of them getting nosey and interrupting them. 

He could tell she wasn't sleeping, but he wasn't about to be the one to point that out. Climbing into the bed as gently as he could manage, making sure to leave ample space between them, he settled in beside her. Even with her eyes closed, she looked miserable, it was obvious she'd been crying again. He still wasn't sure how to make any of this better, he didn't know how he was supposed to go about proving his love for her without crossing any of those invisible lines between them. Even the words were never tossed around lightly between them, but he had to try something. She couldn't leave, and he couldn't let her walk around here thinking he didn't care about her either. 

Yes a lot had happened in their lives since he left, but that didn't change anything, not really. She was still the love of his life, and he was still trying to figure out how to make it in this world without her. The whole thing with Darla had been something else entirely, it was far from love. Despair, desperation, loneliness, hatred, obsession maybe, but it definitely wasn't love. 

Neither was Cordelia, at least not in the sense that she was thinking, yes he loved her. She had become one of his most trusted friends, and had he been asked about this subject yesterday his thoughts may have been a little different, but after everything, after witnessing Buffy all but fall apart, well he'd gained a little clarity regarding that whole situation. He was lonely, and after learning the news about his soul, maybe he had let himself venture down that road a bit too far. He couldn't say whether or not he would've really allowed something more to develope between them, but he knew that it wouldn't have been fair to her if he had. Cordelia was familiar, she was safe, she fit into his world, and in a lot of ways she was the closest thing he could get to Buffy, and that alone wasn't right. Cordy deserved more than to be someone's consolation prize. 

Noticing that her breathing had finally evened out, he carefully slipped an around her waist, pulling her closer, as he spooned his body around hers. Holding her like this, he was thrown back in time to a day that never was, the day that he didn't dare acknowledge, the day that she would never remember. 

He still wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about them. When he'd first invited her here, he'd done so with the knowledge that she was with Riley and he would be coming with her. As messed up as it sounded, he couldn't help but think how much easier all of this would have been if that were still the case. Well it wouldn't have been easier on him, but he was pretty sure she would have handled things a lot differently had her boyfriend still been around. Not to mention the fact about his soul, not that she was aware, but he was, and every single time he tried to think of how to make this up to her, his mind would drift to images of them naked and tangled in each other's arms. 

Even though his soul was no longer an issue, that didn't change all of the other reasons he left. Sure, not being able to make love to her had been part of it, there towards it the end it had become nearly all he thought about, they had started to push boundaries again, and it had only been a matter of time before one or both of them slipped up and they released Angelus upon the world again. But there were other things too, other reasons why she was better off without him in her life. 

She deserved a normal relationship, she deserved the opportunity to decide if children were something she wanted, and if she didn't at least she would have been able to make that choice. She deserved some sense of normalcy, she deserved all of the picnics, and sunny days at the beach, trips to shopping malls, and days out with her friends, all of which he still couldn't give her. 

OoOoO

Coming to, the first thing she'd noticed was the cool body pressed up behind her. Opening her eyes, she glanced down at the arm wrapped firmly around her waist. 

It wasn't Lindsey's. 

Sighing, she mentally kicked herself for not realizing it wasn't him who came sneaking back into her room. She should have known, keeping his thoughts to himself had never been one of Lindsey's strong suits, she should have picked up on it when he was so quiet. 

Doing her best to turn around, she sighed again as Angel's sleeping, eternally youthful and handsome face greeted her. He looked so peaceful, it was almost impossible to stay mad at him in this particular moment. 

Almost.

Buffy cleared her throat and pulled away slightly. "I think you might be lost," she said loud enough to disturb him from his slumber. She watched as confusion flooded his face for a moment as his eyes opened and he tried to remember where he was and what was going on. 

"Buffy," he said, his voice scratched out before he swallowed hard, trying to figure out what to say to her. 

"You seem lost" she repeated, glaring now. "In case you have forgotten, your room happens to be as far from me as possible. This isn't it. Also, Cordelia's room, in the event that is where you were trying to find yourself, is just two down from you if I am remembering correctly. Or, I mean, there's Fred wherever... or whoever else it might be around here that you have obviously used to forget all about me and replace me and whatever-"

Angel sighed. His arms reached back out for the tiny brokenhearted slayer, and he pulled her back to him, praying she wasn't going to start screaming, fighting him, lashing out at him again. When he felt that first moment of tension from her, Angel bent his head to hers, daring to press his lips to hers. 

That action made her start squirming to get away from him but he held onto her firm, even though he knew if she wanted to get out of his grasp there was nothing he could do. He deepened their kiss, trying to get his message through to her where words had utterly failed him. 

Her shoulders started to relax and he mentally breathed out a sigh of relief, but when they broke away from one another her face was still pained, tears wanting to fall again. "Buffy-"

Her head shook. "Please stop."

"I can't," he whispered. "Because I can't have you going on another second more thinking that I don't care about you, that I don't love you."

"What else am I supposed to think, Angel? You've made it pretty clear-"

"No," he cut her off. "I have not made my feelings anywhere near clear since you arrived, Buffy. You coming out here is not going as I thought it would at all, I tried to prepare myself for it and obviously that failed completely. I am sorry that you had to find out about Darla... in the manner you did, that you ever had to know about that at all. I wish I could have just buried it, moved on, and you wouldn't have ever had to be hurt by it. I wasn't trying to hurt you, Buffy. I wasn't... and I absolutely was not nor have I ever been in love with Darla. What happened with her... it had nothing to do with love." 

"But you chose her," Buffy whispered and God, how he wished he could go back in time and do everything differently. 

"I wish I could explain to you why that happened but I don't think anything I ever say will help here. Not with this."

She shook her head. "A-a little warning about y-you and Cordelia would have been n-nice, too. I can't e-even wrap my head around that. Y-you with her."

"I am not in love with Cordelia," he told her, the words being spoken out loud almost felt freeing. "I am not with her either. It might be a little more complicated than it was once upon a time but we aren't..." 

Her face hardened just a little as she wiped her tear stained face. "A day ago I would have said that was the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long while, but not so much anymore. I've seen you, I've seen your face light up when she has walked into the room... and it's not just me picking up on it."

Angel sighed. "I am not in love with Cordelia, or Fred, or Willow... or anyone else. A lot has changed in the past couple of years, Buffy. In both of our lives, we've both had to learn how to be apart, to do this fight on our own... we've seen and gone through so much. And... and maybe some of that we need to talk about, clear the air kind of. I love Cordelia, mine and her relationship is quite different than the one we had in Sunnydale, she has grown up and become a vital part of my life and this little team. I have had ups and downs, I've lost people I have cared about and who I wish were here with us right now to figure this shit out. "

Angel shifted his weight so he could sit up a little better, making sure to keep a hand on her as he moved so she wouldn't take the opportunity to run off or something. "There's also a lot that is exactly as it's always been. Like the fact that I always wish you were here so I could know for sure you were okay, even if it might rip my heart out. Or that you're the only woman I have ever truly been in love with."

"Angel..."

"I'm sorry you doubted that, doubted us. But it's the truth, Buffy. You're it for me, at the end of the day, no matter the situation."

"I don't think I really believe you," she whispered. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat again. "I know you were talking to everyone about leaving, going back to Sunnydale," he told her. "I understand it is hard being here, especially with what has happened the last twenty four hours or so, and hell I am sure it's hard being away from home and your mom and worrying about the Hellmouth being unguarded, but I do still believe we are all better here as a team, I don't think we can figure out what is really going on or how to fight this without you here. And I don't think I will be any help either if you leave here without giving me the chance to prove to you what I'm trying to get through to you. Please stay. I have even told Cordelia she can get a room for fucking Lindsey if that'll make you feel any better."

She smirked a little at that. "Hmm. Because that sounds like a great idea with how well you two have been getting along. Though, where else is he supposed to go, too, you know."

"While we are over here trying to save the world - again - maybe... maybe you and I can catch up on some lost time, really talk about what has been going on in our lives, and... discuss some of those harder subjects about relationships and us and what... what the future might hold," he cautiously let slip out. 

He almost smiled as he picked up on her heart starting to beat just a little faster as she took in what he was saying and trying to understand what it actually meant. 

"And what exactly are you seeing in this future of yours," she asked, eyeing him skeptically.

Sinking back down beside her, he smirked, once again tightening his grip around her waist, he pulled her back against him. He'd spent so long fighting this he'd nearly forgotten how addictive her touch could be. 

"You," he whispered, daring to brush his lips back against hers. 

She whimpered, but at least she didn't fight him this time. Instead it seemed as though she was nearly melting against him, he couldn't get enough, absolutely starved for her touch after so long. What he'd intended to be a quick kiss soon had them both panting, her tiny fingers dancing around him to scratch at his hair as she tried to pull him even closer. 

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Lindsey covered his mouth as he gagged from the doorway, he had a feeling this jackass had made his way back up here. 

Angel sighed, releasing an unnecessary breath as he rolled over to face the douchebag. Making sure to pull Buffy with him as he went. "Geeze Lindsey, ever heard of knocking?" 

Lindsey scoffed, doing his best to ignore the vampire, he turned his attention back to Buffy who seemed to be at least three shades redder than usual. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you got some friends down there who are more than a little worried about you." 

"She's fine," Angel answered for her. 

Lindsey winced, "Funny thing, I don't remember asking you."

Buffy rolled her eyes, wrapping her arm across Angel before he decided to use his face as a punching bag again. Though judging from the smug look he was shooting Lindsey, she was pretty sure that's what he'd planned on her doing all along. 

Angel glanced back down at her, "You actually expect me to live with this?" 

She groaned, it really was going to take a miracle to keep them from killing each other. Especially if they were all going to stay here. 

Lindsey paused, "Wait, we're staying?"

Buffy looked nervously back and forth between the two of them, Lindsey didn't look happy, but Angel was nearly smiling, as he folded an arm behind his head, clearly daring Lindsey to make a move. 

He couldn't believe this asshole had already managed to weasel his way back into her good grace's, "Buf?"

She wasn't sure what to make of any of this, Angel had definitely succeeded in causing her thoughts to become one giant swirl of confusion these last few minutes. 

Tearing his attention away from Lindsey, his focus also shifted to the small blonde in his arms, his entire future resting on her answer. "Please stay," he repeated for the second time. 

Lindsey took a few more steps toward the bed. "Screw that Buffy, you shouldn't have to deal with this bullshit."

Angel growled, obviously the boy still hadn't learned his fucking lesson. He was just starting to turn so that he could get up from the bed, when Buffy's grip tightened around him, forcing him back to her. "I'll stay," she rushed out, the last thing she wanted to do was break up yet another fight between the two of them. 

Exasperated, his hands flew into the air, he wasn't sure he would ever understand the spell he had over her. She deserved so much better than the damn blood sucker. 

Ignoring his little temper tantrum, Angel's eyes locked with hers, not caring about their audience he captured her lips one more time. Then as if to prove a point, he slipped his tongue inside, drinking up every sound that escaped her, he used his free hand to shoot Lindsey the finger right as her hands found their way back around his neck. 

Not wanting to give him too much of a free show, Angel reluctantly pulled back. Far too enamored with the girl in his arms, he didn't even bother looking back in his direction, "Lindsey," Angel groaned against her. " _ Get out _ ." 


End file.
